but
now we are old and in us
drugs rot
like
we are dirty
like our insides are paying
for our sins and not us

our insides like a cross
fruit-rotting
sun-diving
we are eagles now

beautiful

and we

we feast on what we like

lucky ones

so so lucky so lucky
imagine if one of us,
um, found out
one of our best friends had died
overdose-cop-call on an empty bed
or worse
all of us lied

more

some of us got free on the dust
falling out of the bags
meant for a sick sunday

or

one of us betrayed the animals
let loose in the disco metal farm

we

are

lucky
count-your-wishes-and-stars lucky
now we are old and going for more
we are dirty

like our insides went to work for us
for every night we spent in the throws
throwing up diamonds and trust funds
our souls eternal for those nights
and we felt it
a real disco polaroid

famous wasted

eternal buzz

so rocked

but inside it was all a joke
hahahahaha

and we

we were a joke just all sped up

and neon

and ugly

like sharks

in shiny dresses

minus leeches

us, and our

bowls of fruit
fruitcake-dreaming

but

full of disco-lies and
fucking each other
disgusting
our souls
shining hard in valhalla
but inside

we were lying
and
while we were not busy with the snake
or the unicorn-rainbow hallucinations
if we sat down for even one moment
we knew
once we got home
our insides
they would pay for our sins
while we sat on the window-bed-nook
under a peach-rind quilt
suffering a loss

we was

bright and alive once

we was

was

but now
now;

just steeped in self juice

and balloon-popped
yellow-yucked
and fucked up
white-wine dinnered
and
disgusting crossworded
all of us
totally
sucking

and
stuck
our insides like a cross
sun-diving

and

fruit-rotting

Dope Camera

Dope Camera

screaming

lord knows,

screamed
like as in
screaming
as in

“sunshine came screaming into the room, bottles empty, lines

under eyes

where they were broken up and followed into a face”

awful

rocked so hard i broke the crib

sneezed so hard i broke a rib

lost a dog
couldn’t take care of it
couldn’t see

eyes breaking out from
fleshy dope smear

what

what was anybody doing there?

pretty

pretty people in there
in that fog land

wasted
in that dock of memory

i worry about all of them

and

i don’t know, us

nothing really happened

cuz

we talked so much

nobody moved

inside

the rooms

the brightlight
midnights
were bloody as a lie

and

fortune cookies hung over us
like the low gongs

plus-sized songs the valley was ripe with flashfires

and

cement trucks
heavy metal freight cars
on wheels
cemetery skin
smoking with the hookers
on Noplace
and 10th
or whatever street

we made this whole thing up
inside my bedroom

madness close behind

it felt like

well i swallowed the whole of the world
in a night

screamed
for the past
to hear me first

and

take me last
like as in
screaming
as in
scream team m.v.p.

now totally m.i.a.

and all, “fuck you”

somebody really should have had the cameras rolling back then

well
some of them did

oops

our lives went

bullshitting

with the loansharks

and

we all bought the tent

golden tooth

paying all the rent

inside

lord knows
we are all…

screaming

Bags

Bags