in a wow, sigh,
from sea spray for a little while till the
ocean is the woman who you waited for

and,

strangely, saying this as a man,

why you went,

why you went anyway…….a soldier

of sorts, to collect new things inside

you—

to restart those eyes, that woman, and

without a doubt—inside she could see

too the impression of unimaginable

sunsets,

only happening out there—while we

we are not looking

but the tug goes still and the sky holds—

holds it to the blue pages—

to bring home to her.

like a rat. in a bow tie.

smiling at small beds to a family

of also cartoon rats, in bow ties

(imagine that!!!!)

if only in a gesture of the shoulders—

and a look—that something amazing

still stands

even if that wait meant…..

well……

just inside a man,

and if that man were the one—

the one under the blue lights—

and nightstars

pulled into the junk ship

a tug

binded

binded and the splinters went in

and i felt each one, and i am a tug

on this ocean of ours…

but

i am standing on this fucking beach.

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 2

Smoking and Bug

Smoking and Bug

so many years old

but

not a man

at all

am i

this weird place

so much

bedroom noise

radiator making clangs

this whole night

like a stretch

of beach

with blond and salty bangs

or

candy cane missiles

projecting

light orbs over

blankets cursed under

backache

and

why did i stop or even start

what

a

dumb

kid

i have been that for so long

pointless really

isn’t it

to act like this

or that

say we get lost in a moment

say we get gone in the fly rods

casting

outward

to sea on expensive dinghies en masse

spanish armada omelets

diner fantasy food

outward upward

dreaming

half-assed and awake

i miss someone

so much

i quit

well, smoking

really

to prove to myself

how strong

a love is

even for me

so many years old

and not a man

at all

in years

but terribly

terribly

overwhelmed by

a name

and mercy

be a woman

with her name

and me

imagine this

not smoking

wowed

secret loud backwards lot centered

alive arms out

planted

in the new days

Hover

Hover

one click in my gear past this flimsy breath

i set this stone adrift

in the hover

on a movie set river

side

blasting cool wind

on my face here

i imagine i am walking down SHOE AVENUE or 8th STREET

my word did i abandon you,

my cinderella nothing,

old me

“fantasy sizes” me

in the gusts of bought things

sold sale sell it all mind me—

we walked away together—

whore feet

whore boots

all on my tippy-toes not to alarm myself

and

there and there and here

all over

New York City got behind me—like bad checks—so unlit