Everyone has to find their own space in a family – where they fit, where they find a niche of comfortability, where they add value or feel loved. I found mine being everything Millie wasn’t. It felt so natural at first: I would be early everywhere, I always kept my room neat as a pin. Those were easy compliments to get from my parents – Millie’s room was so messy but Andi’s, Andi’s was perfect. I loved that praise.

Somewhere along the way finding my space snowballed into creating my personality around it. I always remember birthdays, but I’m never the first person invited to a birthday party. I can talk knowledgeably about a lot of subjects, but I never have a hot take that makes people gasp in salacious delight. When we get in family disagreements over dinner, even when I think everyone else is being pig-headed, I keep my mouth shut and nod with a tight smile. Nobody ever seems to notice that I don’t really agree with what they are saying. Not like Millie, whose face is as expressive as an eighteen-month-old baby that just learned how to say no. I am Millie’s perfect foil. That’s why we are best friends.

I look over at Hugh, whose arm is still draped over his face. His abs are glistening in the sun. He looks like a Greek god except for his hair drying in a wild poof on top of his head. I know he is the kind of guy Millie would go for. Well, usually – in this specific case she hates him, but he does look like a lot of her past boyfriends.

Is this why I like Hugh so much? Because I’m so fully trying to be Millie? Why does it feel so good? I don’t even want to admit it to myself, but the voice in my head asks quietly, Why does it feel more like me?

I try to remind myself of all the things he does that irk me. He’s condescending, he’s stubborn and . . . and . . . I run out of steam. The list of things I hate about Hugh is getting shorter by the day.

Chapter 16

Five dives to go

Shortly after I wake up, Vanessa and Miguel start readying our gear for the night dive. The sun is slowly starting to edge towards the horizon. Our dive is scheduled for right after the sun goes down. With the complete absence of any artificial light, the reef goes dark in a matter of minutes. I try and forget about the feel of Hugh’s chest under my cheek, and instead pull back up the photos of the butterfly w-rasse, trying to strategise how to give myself a better chance at spotting one tomorrow.

I’m lost in thought when Pippa bounces off the hammock and comes to stand next to me.