But that’s not entirely true, is it? There’s this thing called “nature versus nurture.” How much of us is inborn, and how much comes from our environment? If circumstances had been different—if my father got his scholarship all those years ago—yes, I would be doing those things. Which meant it was part of my nature—or at least my nature wasn’t strong enough to stop it. It was both humbling and horrifying to see what I could be under certain circumstances. With the old me still alive and kicking, I could fight it—make positive adjustments—so that I could live with myself. But even so, I now knew that I had the capacity to be an industrial sack of shit. It was nauseating. Like biting into a peach to discover it was full of maggots after you’ve swallowed.

Time out in bathroom solitary did not help. I didn’t know how I could go back out there and look any of them in the face. Still I knew I couldn’t stay in the bathroom all night. Finally there was a knock on the door.

“I’ll be out in a second,” I yelled.

“It’s Paul. You okay in there? I brought you some ginger ale. Stuff’s supposed to settle your stomach.”

I opened the door. He looked at me, noting I was all wet and disheveled. “You hurl?” he asked.

“Naah, I’ll be okay,” I told him. “I think it was the chicken.”

He nodded and handed me the ginger ale. Then he looked around to make sure none of the others were in earshot, and asked quietly, “Is . . . uh . . . something going on between you and Leo’s sister?”

Leave it to my math tutor to do the math. I could have denied it, but if ever I needed to confess something to an objective third party, it was now. I took a deep breath. “It was months ago. It was only once. But tonight, I had . . . sort of a flashback.”

Paul nodded, thought about it, and said, “You know what, the chicken’s making me feel queasy, too. I’ll tell everyone that’s what it is. Come out when you’re feeling a little better.”

So I took a couple of minutes. I let my shirt dry a little bit, forced myself to meet my own reflection without balking, and then finally rejoined the others.

The game of pool was where we had left it, but no one seemed much interested in playing anymore. Norris was pacing. “So the chicken was tainted?” he said. “I had like five pieces. Should I induce vomiting?”

“You already do,” said Leo, which made Kendra laugh. Not exactly the response you’d want from a date.

“If you’re not feeling it already, you’re probably fine,” said Paul. “Ash and I must have gotten the bad pieces.”