I checked the peephole, figuring if it was someone I didn’t want to see, I could silently back away and just ignore them. I could pretend I was already in the bath. Turns out it was Paul at the door. Although I really didn’t feel like being around anyone right then, I found I was kinda glad to see him. So I opened the door.

“Hey,” he said. “Just checking on you. That was one hard hit you took—you okay?”

“I didn’t take the hit, I gave it,” I reminded him.

“Well, either way, you were almost down for the count.” He stepped in and glanced around. “Where is everyone?”

“Not home yet.” I figured my parents and Hunter stopped on the way to get takeout.

Paul closed the door behind him. “Good,” he said with a smirk. Then he leaned into my airspace like airspace was something we shared, and kept on leaning closer until there was no airspace between us at all.

I’m going to pause here and give you a chance to process this in a way that I could not at the time. Take a moment. Take another moment. Get over it. Now let’s continue.

The kiss pretty much laid waste to my brain. It was the master key opening up all the doors of this world at once, and I was overwhelmed. I froze completely, unable to move. A part of me was screaming, What the Fuck? What the Fuck? I don’t want this! But another, more immediate part of me was screaming, Hell, yeah, you do want it; in fact, you’ve been waiting for it all day.

Memories of this world came surging through, and I knew if I tried to resist them, I’d drown in the floodwaters, like this was the tsunami my school was no longer named for. I found that my arms had come up involuntarily to hold Paul, and I wasn’t pulling away.

This is not who I am!

This is who I am!

I am not enjoying this!

Oh, man am I enjoying this!

And the part of me that was not into other guys got smaller and weaker, as the part of me who was totally into other guys took over—and both parts realized that the only way to survive a tsunami was to surf it. So I kissed Paul with such force, we both stumbled back against the closed front door.

“What’s gotten into you?” he said with a grin. “I gotta catch my breath.”

Fair enough. So I let him breathe a little before I went in again.

13

Ignorance is a Cockroach

Here’s what I know: