I saw him to the door. He gave me a kiss, and this time I accepted it, successfully subduing all the versions of myself that wanted to hurl, because that definitely would have made him stay. I let the part of me that took comfort from his kiss feel what it wanted to feel—which was already a mix of emotions—because Ashley didn’t need Ash’s baggage on top of that.

I watched Layton drive away, took a few moments to settle, then got in my car—a shiny turquoise MINI Cooper instead of a shiny black Beemer—and left to face the Edwardian music.

24

Cars Heading South

With all the things going through my mind and heart, it was hard for me to concentrate on the road, especially because some of the roads had changed—and not just names; the map itself was different. I needed to ignore older instincts and rely on the twists and turns that came with my memories of this world. Even so, I had to pull over and regain my bearings. I was disoriented and fuzzy, like a bird who had flown into a window, and my head ached with the pressure of seven distinct realities battling for the right to be remembered.

A text came in as I sat there. It was just a single question mark from Katie. I took a few moments to scroll through all the texts that had come in since last night, this time actually reading what they said. I thought there would be a whole lot of people checking to see if I was okay, but there weren’t all that many. I didn’t have that many close friends in this world. Teammates and acquaintances, but Katie was the only close friend. Everyone else had gradually fallen away.

To the people who asked how I was, I gave the same answer. I’m fine, thanks so much for asking. Nobody replied to my reply, as if their concern was more obligatory than genuine. That made me sad. No, not quite sad. It made me wistful. I was longing for something that had been lost, but I couldn’t quite place where, or even what it was.

Besides those texts, and Layton’s persistent pings of increasing concern from last night, were Katie’s.

So what changed? her first text said. Followed by question marks every few hours to get my attention when I hadn’t answered. It made me laugh. How was I supposed to answer that in a text?

Everything, and nothing, I finally answered.

What does that even mean? she responded within seconds, and when I didn’t respond right away, she asked, Can you talk?