The stands on both sides were packed with spectators. Standing room only. Our games were always well attended, but never like that. I wanted to believe it was because the Cheatin’ Cheetahs, as we called them, were our archrivals, and this was always the most high-profile game of the season. But it was more than that.

In the stands, on both sides, I saw a fair number of rainbow flags, and people were wearing that “Live Your Life” shirt. While a lot of people out there just came to watch football, there was a large contingent who had come specifically to watch me. It made me feel angry rather than supported. Didn’t these people know I was just a lineman? Linemen are not supposed to be the center of attention. We don’t want to be. That’s why we’re on the line. And then I thought, maybe this was some sort of communal expression of the proximity effect. Maybe everyone sensed the significance of this game, without knowing why. They were rooting for me to deliver.

I know that sounds pretty self-important. Was I full of myself by this point? Maybe. I think the only way to wield a weapon is to first believe you’re capable of it. King Arthur never would have reached for that sword if he didn’t secretly believe somewhere deep down that the stone would release it for him. And make no doubt about it, being a sub-loc meant wielding a weapon. I had already used that weapon to erase three people. Now I had to redeem myself by using it to carve out a better world.

I caught sight of the Edwards in the stands. All five of them together—which was anything but inconspicuous. They were the subject of curious glances, and neck-wrenching double takes. One of them gave me a thumbs-up. Was it Teddy? I couldn’t tell. Did the other Edwards have any clue what I was going to attempt today? What would they do if they knew? If I dredged up a world better than the one where I started, surely they’d feel the end justified the means, wouldn’t they?

I couldn’t find Paul in the stands. I knew he was there, but in the sea of faces, he was lost—and that bothered me more today than ever before. When I next saw him, who would he be to me? Thinking about that made my heart sink, and I knew I couldn’t allow that. I needed to be at my peak if I was going to do this right.

Anthem, coin toss, kickoff, and I took to the field with the rest of our defensive team. Was it my imagination, or were the lights brighter than usual? Everything seemed sharper and more defined. Hyper-real.