“You’re never coming out, Ash,” he said. “You know it as well as I do. Your life’s gonna be about secret ‘buds’ and passing for straight. If that’s the life you choose, hey, I won’t judge, it’s your choice to make . . . but it’s not what I want.”

I felt something welling up inside of me. Something powerful. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt it. It was loss. The loss of something so important to me, it was unfathomable. Did I say I thought I loved Paul? Who was I kidding? I did. I do.

“I’m joining the LGBTQ Alliance,” he said. “I’m joining, and I’m coming out. I thought you should know, so you could distance yourself before I did.”

Tears were building—I couldn’t stop them. “Why would I want to distance myself from you?”

I could tell that my tears were triggering his, but he wiped them away before they could fall. “Be honest with yourself, Ash—at least about that.”

And he was right. My brain was already running scenarios and escape routes. All the smoke and mirrors I would use to deflect attention when Paul came out. How I’d act all supportive, because it was the right thing to do—but from a distance.

Paul thought he had me pegged. Maybe he did. On the other hand, maybe not—because what came next erupted from a place in me I didn’t even know existed. And maybe it didn’t exist before, in any of the worlds I inhabited. Maybe it only came into being because of the way I now straddled the goddamn multiverse.

I turned to look around us. Lockers opening and closing. Crowded hallway. Good.

“Excuse me,” I said to the hallway, and when no one turned, I shouted it. “Excuse me! I have something to say!”

Paul’s eyes went wide. “Ash, what are you doing?”

But if I answered him, I knew I’d lose my nerve.

The crowd was now looking to me curiously, expectantly.

“You all know who I am, right?” I said—because lately, rather than just being some guy on the football team, I’ve been the guy on the football team. I didn’t have to say my name, because they all knew it.

I glanced back at Paul. “You don’t have to do this,” he said quietly. If he really and truly wanted me to stop, I would have . . . but I saw the slightest grin of anticipation on his face. The good squirm.

I looked around, meeting various eyes in the crowd to make sure I had their attention. “I want you all to listen very carefully,” I said. And, since actions speak louder than words, I turned to Paul, and planted one on him that was even better than the kiss at my front door.