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Chapters (34)
  1. Title Page
  2. Table of Contents
  3. Dedication
  4. Praise
  5. Acknowledgments
  6. Leffingwell Elementary School
  7. Hot Dogs and Wild Geese
  8. In the gutter
  9. Save Me, Mickey
  10. Swoosh-Swoosh
  11. With a Little Help From My Friends
  12. Bernice
  13. A Dozen Key Chains
  14. You Can Call Me Al
  15. Of Mosquitoes and Men
  16. The “F Word”
  17. Waterloo
  18. America, Land of the Free
  19. The Ham Amendment
  20. Treasure Island
  21. IT’s All Relatives
  22. Me and Bob Hope
  23. I Ran and I Ran and I Ran
  24. I-raynians Need Not Apply
  25. Girls Just Wanna Have Funds
  26. Joyeuse Noëlle
  27. The Wedding
  28. I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet
  29. A Nose by Any Other Name
  30. Judges Paid Off
  31. If I Were a Rich Man
  32. Afterword
  33. About the Author
  34. Copyright Page

We went into our room and started getting ready for bed, although I was quite sure I would not be sleeping much that night.

“What’s that noise?” I asked François.

“What noise?”

“Listen,” I said.

We could hear a distinct rumbling that was getting louder and louder. François opened the door, then immediately shut it. “It’s nothing,” he said.

François has many talents, but lying is not one of them.

By the time I got to the door, I could hear the distinct chanting of a large, angry crowd. “Judges paid off! Judges paid off!”

The protest went on well into the night. I could not fall asleep, knowing that if the mobs stormed our dinky hotel room, my only weapon was a collection of conch shells. I tried to imagine how my parents would be contacted to claim our bodies. “It was a violent incident involving a beauty pageant,” they would be told. It was a long night, during which my husband slept like a log.

If I Were a Rich Man

If I Were a Rich Man

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In Abadan, we never had to think about money, not because we were rich, but because the National Iranian Oil Company took care of all our needs. Employees received free furnished housing; the size and amenities were based on years of experience and education. Plumbing problems, electrical problems, and leaky roofs were fixed free of charge. Schools, doctors, and even buses cost nothing. For entertainment, everyone converged at the local clubhouse for bingo, swimming, movies, and concerts. Except for food, it was all free of charge. The club also held Persian New Year celebrations, Christmas parties, and even an annual bal masqué with an award given for best costume. My parents and Aunt Sedigeh and Uncle Abdullah always dressed up as villagers, and every year they didn’t win. In 1957, an employee of the fire department won with his rendition of a spaceship passenger.

As an engineer with a graduate degree, my father was entitled to a three-bedroom house with a huge backyard complete with a vegetable garden and chickens. Each day, I made my rounds, verifying whether the carrots, corn, radishes, or green beans were ready to eat. Afterward, I checked for insects, keeping track of all the creatures that shared our garden. My mother found my interest in bugs an odd and somewhat disturbing hobby for a little girl. My daughter shares that fascination with things that creep and crawl, and I tell her that a career in entomology awaits her.