Back Funny in Farsi
Chapters (34)
  1. Title Page
  2. Table of Contents
  3. Dedication
  4. Praise
  5. Acknowledgments
  6. Leffingwell Elementary School
  7. Hot Dogs and Wild Geese
  8. In the gutter
  9. Save Me, Mickey
  10. Swoosh-Swoosh
  11. With a Little Help From My Friends
  12. Bernice
  13. A Dozen Key Chains
  14. You Can Call Me Al
  15. Of Mosquitoes and Men
  16. The “F Word”
  17. Waterloo
  18. America, Land of the Free
  19. The Ham Amendment
  20. Treasure Island
  21. IT’s All Relatives
  22. Me and Bob Hope
  23. I Ran and I Ran and I Ran
  24. I-raynians Need Not Apply
  25. Girls Just Wanna Have Funds
  26. Joyeuse Noëlle
  27. The Wedding
  28. I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet
  29. A Nose by Any Other Name
  30. Judges Paid Off
  31. If I Were a Rich Man
  32. Afterword
  33. About the Author
  34. Copyright Page

We returned to the hotel and asked the security guard whether he had any advice. He suggested we go to the post office and inquire about the mail boats that ferried goods from Nassau to the other islands; they were willing to take passengers, space permitting. We also asked him why the police didn’t do anything about all the people trying to sell coke on every corner. “The police are often in on it,” he told us. “We have a lot of wealthy cops in the Bahamas.”

The guidebook that we had purchased in the States listed all the official mail boats. With guidebook in hand, we arrived at the post office and were told there was only one boat, the Spanish Rose, leaving during the next two weeks, and it was departing the next morning at seven. I immediately looked it up in my guidebook. It wasn’t listed.

“It’s not on the official list,” I informed François. “It’s probably a drug boat. I’m not going.”

“What do you think is going to happen?” François asked.

“We’ll be next week’s headlines. ‘Dismembered Bodies Discovered. Camera Equipment Missing.’ I am not going,” I repeated.

We stood arguing on the street corner for a while; then François approached a policeman and asked him whether he had ever heard of a mail boat called the Spanish Rose. “Of course,” the policeman said enthusiastically.

“See,” François said. “Are you convinced it’s legitimate?”

I was shocked at the naïveté of this Frenchman. “The cop is in on it,” I whispered. “He probably lives in a big house on a hill with an ocean view.”

“That’s it,” François said. “I am going to come here tomorrow morning at six. You do what you want. I, however, will be boarding the boat.”

“Fine,” I said.

The next morning we showed up early and found a group of Bahamian families ready to board the Spanish Rose. It looked perfectly safe. François asked whether I was embarrassed by the previous day’s display of paranoia. “I don’t recall,” I said, doing my best imitation of a politician on trial. We boarded and found a spot among the crates of tomatoes, potatoes, and eggs and several cages of live chickens.

The boat ride was straight out of a Jacques Cousteau special. We passed by small islands with white beaches and swaying palm trees. The water, which was teeming with fish, changed colors from turquoise to jade to cobalt. Overhead, the cloudless sky presented us with yet another magnificent shade of blue. This was the Bahamas we had dreamed about.

Four hours later, we arrived at the island of Spanish Wells. Our guidebook mentioned only that this small island, inhabited by lobster fishermen, was named after the Spanish sailors who used to come ashore for fresh water.