“I wasn’t planning on leaving,” I declare.

He looks me up and down and smirks. “I wasn’t planning on letting you stay.”

He lets his words sink in for a breath before he continues.

“I told you, Dumpy—you’re free now. We’re free, and I’ll be damned if either of us wastes this new lease on life. Mom’s gone, and it’s sad, but you have to start living again. You put so much into taking care of her—we both did our best. Now it’s time for your next adventure.”

The day after our mom died, he told me we were free. I had never even considered that his life had been on pause because of her, too.

“Why did you bring up California?” I demand.

He cocks one eyebrow suggestively, but I just glare at him in return.

“Please don’t tell me you’re really this dense.” He chuckles. “I watched you all summer. I had a front-row seat to the MadDem show over the last two months—”

“Don’t ever call us that again,” I interject.

“Whatever you say, Mr. Maddie Wheeler.”

I roll my eyes, but he schools his expression and continues.

“Being with Little Wheeler made you happier than I’ve seen you in years, bro. More than happy—fucking jovial. Why wouldn’t you go to California to be with her?” he challenges.

Because of you.

I think it, but I don’t dare say it.

He never asked me to stay. The shackles between us are of my own making.

“You can’t hold back because of me,” he responds to the words I didn’t dare speak out loud. “If you want her, go be with her.”

I say nothing, instead huffing out a sigh of frustration. Why does it sound so easy when he says it?

Fielding rises to his feet and snatches up his workbook. “I love you, bro. But I refuse to be your excuse anymore. Either go be with your girl or stay here by yourself. The choice is yours.”

He dog-ears the page of his book before snapping it shut and walking away.

Is this real? Will he really follow through with his intentions? Is this med school plan going to stick?

But who am I to question his desire to move forward? Maybe my happiness can’t be dependent on his stability. I don’t trust him enough to get his shit together. But I also don’t trust myself enough not to go down in flames in solidarity.

If Fielding’s going to take the MCAT and go to med school, then I need to do something with my life, too. I have to live. I have to let myself live. I have to unshackle my life from his and move forward, regardless of what happens next in his story.

52. Maddie

Chapter 52

Maddie

Five Weeks Later