I huff out a long breath, but there’s still a tightly wound knot straining in my chest. Saying it out loud doesn’t alleviate the tension I feel when I think about time running out with my girl. If anything, it makes it all feel more real.

“Dude,” Fielding whispers.

“I know.”

I knew he wouldn’t judge me for how I feel. But I can’t help but judge myself for not keeping my head on straight or my priorities in order.

My brother kicks his leg out and knocks his knee against mine. “Mom’s gone now, Dem. We’re free. You could go to New York. Chicago. California. You could follow Maddie out there, and you could make a real go of things if she’s what you want.”

I smile sadly to myself. He’s always been a hopeless romantic.

“Yeah. Maybe. We’ll see,” I murmur, mostly to redirect the conversation before it encroaches on territory I refuse to get into with him right now.

What I can’t tell him is that my shackles didn’t break open the moment our mom passed away. She’s not the only one I watch over, take care of, protect.

Even if I tried to leave… even if I made plans, convinced her to give a real relationship a go, and followed her out to California, I’d never truly be free.

I can’t live thousands of miles away from my brother, knowing he’s struggling and despondent, with no sense of direction and no one by his side.

Our mom may be gone, but I’m not free. She’s not what tethers me to this place. That honor goes to him.

43. Dempsey

Chapter 43

Dempsey

When I head back to my room, I shower and collapse on my bed. I reach for my phone and am relieved to finally see a missed call from Maddie.

I couldn’t get a hold of her earlier, so I texted her the news. It may have been a cop-out, but it felt easier than the pressure of having to wait to say the words out loud.

I hit her name without hesitation, desperate to hear her voice. She answers on the second ring.

“Oh Dem, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” she gushes as soon as the line connects.

“Thanks for calling,” I mutter as I clear the emotion from my chest.

“Are you okay? How’s Fielding?”

I can’t help but smile—her concern for me barely trumps her worry about my brother. Her heart is so good.

“We’re okay,” I reply, shifting up on my bed to lean against the headboard. “Part of me is still in shock, but she went peacefully in her sleep, so there’s not much more I could have asked for.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t be sad, Dem. God, I wish I could come over there and hug you right now.”