I walk across the pool deck, intent on filling a cup with Coke with lime and rum. It’s been two weeks since she left, and I haven’t heard a word from her since. I miss her so much. But I know she’s out there doing her thing. I hope to God she doesn’t feel as crummy as I do.

My brother is spread out on one of the pool chairs, lying on his side. I sneak up behind him, ready to throw my cup of ice on him.

But when I peer over his shoulder, I realize he’s not snoozing or watching stupid videos on his phone like usual.

He’s got his ear buds firmly in place, and he’s scratching notes in the margins of a workbook.

I’m shocked as shit to see him studying. It’s a sight I haven’t seen for years, and something I doubted I’d ever see again.

My shadow gives me away. He pulls out an ear bud and turns to face me, squinting up and shielding his eyes from the sun.

“What’s up, bro?” he asks with a jut of his chin.

“What are you doing?” My brain is having trouble catching up with the reality of this situation. I need to hear him say it.

“I’m studying,” he replies without a hint of sarcasm. He pops his ear bud back in place and turns back to his book.

Just like that. Like he hasn’t spent the last five years bumming around this house without any sense of direction, or like he hasn’t suggested on more than one occasion that he’s just going to be a rich prick fuck boy and live off his trust fund for the rest of his life.

I make my way over to the Freestyle machine, but skip the rum as planned. If I’m going to have it out with him, I want to be of sound mind.

I make my selections and fill my cup, warring internally over how to approach this. Fielding is wicked smart. He was in the top 3 percent of our graduating class. He earned exceptional scores on the MCAT. He could have had his pick of med schools.

I stalk back over to where he’s lounging and throw myself onto the chair holding his workbook.

“So you were really serious about going back to school?” I demand, watching for signs of uncertainly.

He pulls out both earbuds this time, then scoffs at me like I’m dense. “Of course I’m serious. What the fuck, Dem? Did you expect me to sit around Northeast Ohio for the rest of my life, hoping you’d come visit me from Cali or wherever you end up?”

Now it’s my turn to scoff. I’ve never mentioned leaving this town, let alone the state. We’re so not on the same page here.