Each slap of a bean bag against the board reverberates through my chest and prickles the pit of my stomach.

I shouldn’t have come here this weekend.

Spending Labor Day at my brother’s lake cabin in Michigan is something I look forward to at the end of every summer. It’s my last hurrah before I buckle down and get serious about the fall semester. But I’ve been living in a state of disconnected purgatory for the last five weeks. And being here—surrounded by family but not with the one person who means the most to me—feels like more than I can bear.

“Really, bro?” Jake gripes as he flips up his Ray-Bans and glares at my brother. “We were up by six and you just fucking handed them the win!”

Tori does a happy dance and kisses Rhett on the cheek while Jake’s husband Cory sinks two bean bags in a row.

“Winner, winner,” Cory declares, wrapping his arms around Jake from behind as Jake sulks and pretends to be salty.

He spins in his husband’s arms and mutters, “I’ll show you a winner tonight,” before kissing him senseless.

I turn my head and fight back tears, only to see Rhett and Tori also making out behind their cornhole board.

Gag. Me. Now.

The constant PDA is a lot on a normal day. But add in that I’m secretly heartbroken and still reeling from having to leave Dempsey, and it’s more than I can take.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I walk back toward the cabin. I knew it would be tricky to come here and not think of him, mostly because I’ve done nothing but think of him over the last five weeks. But being so close to him in a place that feels like home burns in a totally unexpected way.

I wave to Judy in the kitchen as she stirs what looks like lemonade. I don’t bother stopping to chat—what happens next is inevitable, and I just need to be alone.

I make my way up the stairs to the loft and free fall face-first into the mattress of my queen-size bed. The tears fall silently, and I’m just thankful I’ve had weeks to nail down the ability to cry without making a sound.

Only a few minutes pass before I hear someone on the stairs.

“Maddie girl, I wanted to talk to you about our holiday schedules,” my brother says before he even comes into view.

He flips through the calendar on his phone without looking over at me and perches on the end of the bed, but I turn my head to the side so he can’t see my tears.

“We’ll probably do Thanksgiving in Hampton again since Jake and Cory can’t get away that weekend, but we’ll plan on Christmas at the cabin, like usual. Did you want me to book your…”