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Chapters (62)
  1. Title
  2. Copyright
  3. Contents
  4. About the Author
  5. About the Book
  6. Dedication
  7. Your Worst Nightmare
  8. ONE
  9. TWO
  10. THREE
  11. FOUR
  12. FIVE
  13. SIX
  14. SEVEN
  15. EIGHT
  16. NINE
  17. The Answer to All Your Prayers
  18. TEN
  19. ELEVEN
  20. TWELVE
  21. THIRTEEN
  22. FOURTEEN
  23. FIFTEEN
  24. SIXTEEN
  25. SEVENTEEN
  26. EIGHTEEN
  27. NINETEEN
  28. TWENTY
  29. TWENTY-ONE
  30. TWENTY-TWO
  31. TWENTY-THREE
  32. TWENTY-FOUR
  33. TWENTY-FIVE
  34. TWENTY-SIX
  35. TWENTY-SEVEN
  36. TWENTY-EIGHT
  37. TWENTY-NINE
  38. THIRTY
  39. THIRTY-ONE
  40. Somebody Else’s Child
  41. THIRTY-TWO
  42. THIRTY-THREE
  43. THIRTY-FOUR
  44. THIRTY-FIVE
  45. THIRTY-SIX
  46. THIRTY-SEVEN
  47. THIRTY-EIGHT
  48. THIRTY-NINE
  49. FORTY
  50. FORTY-ONE
  51. FORTY-TWO
  52. FORTY-THREE
  53. FORTY-FOUR
  54. FORTY-FIVE
  55. FORTY-SIX
  56. FORTY-SEVEN
  57. FORTY-EIGHT
  58. FORTY-NINE
  59. Sunlight on Water
  60. July
  61. September
  62. Acknowledgements

‘If there’s a good chance of what? The truth is I’m just an old coward, and I can’t bear the thought of all that cutting and stitching and all that uncomfortableness, and then they want me to take all those drugs. And there’s no guarantee any of it will work. Shall I tell you a little story? You won’t remember Josie Makepeace, but I’ve known her for years. Stalwart of the WI, involved in everything, that was Josie. Heart and soul of any party. Well, last year she was diagnosed with something nasty. I don’t know where it was exactly – ovaries maybe, somewhere in the down-below. You wouldn’t have known it to look at her. She didn’t look ill. Only in her fifties, and she looked the picture of health. But she signed up for all the treatment, the surgery, the chemo, radiotherapy, everything they’d got. Within a fortnight, she looked a different woman, so ill and grey. And you know what? After her second lot of chemo, she had a stroke. Three days in a coma and she was gone, like that! So if a young woman like her couldn’t stand the treatment, what chance for an old bird like me? I’ve thought about it long and hard – and it’s been harder than you could ever imagine – and I’ve decided I would far, far rather let nature take its course, and spend what time I’ve got here, with your father and you and everyone, than in some hospital being sick and losing my hair. The choice is between quality of life and quantity, and I think I’d prefer quality. Can you understand?’ She reaches out and takes his hand, squeezing it hard. ‘You are so, so precious to me, Matty. I haven’t said it enough. We’re a bit stick-in-the-mud about our emotions, aren’t we? I’ve loved you in the fiercest way since the moment you were born. But none of us live forever. I hope I shall see Christmas, in fact I’m determined I shall. Last year was so miserable for everyone, and I want us all to have a happy Christmas this year. And I shall rest easier, if I see Evan on the road to recovery. I think he seems a little better.’

‘Do you?’

‘A little. Maybe he’s caught the sun. He looked so pale when we first saw him.’

‘He hates to go outdoors at home. He seems to like it well enough here, though.’

‘No people. No threats.’

‘I suppose so. I think he had a settled night, no nightmares. I didn’t hear him, anyway, but then I slept like a log. Probably the influence of Dad’s Glenfiddich.’