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Chapters (62)
  1. Title
  2. Copyright
  3. Contents
  4. About the Author
  5. About the Book
  6. Dedication
  7. Your Worst Nightmare
  8. ONE
  9. TWO
  10. THREE
  11. FOUR
  12. FIVE
  13. SIX
  14. SEVEN
  15. EIGHT
  16. NINE
  17. The Answer to All Your Prayers
  18. TEN
  19. ELEVEN
  20. TWELVE
  21. THIRTEEN
  22. FOURTEEN
  23. FIFTEEN
  24. SIXTEEN
  25. SEVENTEEN
  26. EIGHTEEN
  27. NINETEEN
  28. TWENTY
  29. TWENTY-ONE
  30. TWENTY-TWO
  31. TWENTY-THREE
  32. TWENTY-FOUR
  33. TWENTY-FIVE
  34. TWENTY-SIX
  35. TWENTY-SEVEN
  36. TWENTY-EIGHT
  37. TWENTY-NINE
  38. THIRTY
  39. THIRTY-ONE
  40. Somebody Else’s Child
  41. THIRTY-TWO
  42. THIRTY-THREE
  43. THIRTY-FOUR
  44. THIRTY-FIVE
  45. THIRTY-SIX
  46. THIRTY-SEVEN
  47. THIRTY-EIGHT
  48. THIRTY-NINE
  49. FORTY
  50. FORTY-ONE
  51. FORTY-TWO
  52. FORTY-THREE
  53. FORTY-FOUR
  54. FORTY-FIVE
  55. FORTY-SIX
  56. FORTY-SEVEN
  57. FORTY-EIGHT
  58. FORTY-NINE
  59. Sunlight on Water
  60. July
  61. September
  62. Acknowledgements

Naylor’s visit is short, just long enough to deliver the news that Evan’s case is being de-prioritised. She uses the word reviewed, but Claire and Matt are not fooled.

As Claire sees her out, Naylor says, ‘We’ll be in touch.’

‘When?’ asks Claire.

Naylor wants to apologise, but that would be an acknowledgement of the truth.

‘Take care of yourselves,’ she says.

When she reaches her car she turns back to wave, but Claire has already gone back inside.

Matt’s standing in the kitchen, looking out at nothing in the garden where the drooping heads of snowdrops are poking through wet grass.

Slowly, Claire goes upstairs. The door to Evan’s bedroom is closed, and when she opens it she makes believe the remnants of the scent of him are hanging in the air.

The Lego fireman is still smiling on the bookshelf; the balled-up school sock is still lying on the floor.

She picks up his pillow and buries her face in it. There’s nothing of him there.

With shaking hands, she begins to strip the bed.

NINE

NINE

19 March

It’s the last home rugby match of the season, and the Under-Twelves are playing well. Claire knows she shouldn’t be there, that she’s like Banquo at this feast, but she can’t help herself. She’s hoping for a momentary illusion, that her mind might conjure a glimpse of him, out there on the field amongst the many bodies so similar to his. She stands under the branches of a sycamore tree in spring-green bud, out of the wind and away from the action, avoiding the other parents for their sakes. The boys have grown over the winter, and she wonders if her boy has grown, too. She closes her eyes and, in amongst the shouts and the blasts on the whistle, tries in vain to hear Evan’s voice.

There’s a new games master, a much younger man than Mr Griffiths, running up and down the sidelines, energetic and keen. Griffiths is gone, taken early retirement. Stewie’s changed schools, had a fresh start. Other people are moving on, getting on with their lives.

If only she could do the same.

The Answer to All Your Prayers

The Answer to All Your Prayers

TEN

TEN

16 June

Ferrybridge, West Yorkshire

Roy Addesley’s old van gets thirsty when it’s fully laden and the fuel gauge is showing a red light, so Roy pulls into a BP filling station on the Pontefract road. He and Trevor are talking cricket, specifically Yorkshire’s less-than-stellar performance against Nottinghamshire yesterday.

Trevor screws up the paper bag his sandwich came in and drops it into the footwell, amongst the other wrappings from this week’s lunches.

‘There’s not a decent batsman amongst them,’ he says. ‘No wonder Nottinghamshire hammered them. They got beaten because they played absolute shite.’