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Chapters (62)
  1. Title
  2. Copyright
  3. Contents
  4. About the Author
  5. About the Book
  6. Dedication
  7. Your Worst Nightmare
  8. ONE
  9. TWO
  10. THREE
  11. FOUR
  12. FIVE
  13. SIX
  14. SEVEN
  15. EIGHT
  16. NINE
  17. The Answer to All Your Prayers
  18. TEN
  19. ELEVEN
  20. TWELVE
  21. THIRTEEN
  22. FOURTEEN
  23. FIFTEEN
  24. SIXTEEN
  25. SEVENTEEN
  26. EIGHTEEN
  27. NINETEEN
  28. TWENTY
  29. TWENTY-ONE
  30. TWENTY-TWO
  31. TWENTY-THREE
  32. TWENTY-FOUR
  33. TWENTY-FIVE
  34. TWENTY-SIX
  35. TWENTY-SEVEN
  36. TWENTY-EIGHT
  37. TWENTY-NINE
  38. THIRTY
  39. THIRTY-ONE
  40. Somebody Else’s Child
  41. THIRTY-TWO
  42. THIRTY-THREE
  43. THIRTY-FOUR
  44. THIRTY-FIVE
  45. THIRTY-SIX
  46. THIRTY-SEVEN
  47. THIRTY-EIGHT
  48. THIRTY-NINE
  49. FORTY
  50. FORTY-ONE
  51. FORTY-TWO
  52. FORTY-THREE
  53. FORTY-FOUR
  54. FORTY-FIVE
  55. FORTY-SIX
  56. FORTY-SEVEN
  57. FORTY-EIGHT
  58. FORTY-NINE
  59. Sunlight on Water
  60. July
  61. September
  62. Acknowledgements

She takes a swallow and feels its acidity running down her gullet, and moments later there’s the little top-up to her alcoholic buzz. Too late, she regrets it, because she realises it’s the mouthful that’s going to make her say something unpredictable, so unpredictable even she has no idea what it’s going to be.

‘Matt.’ His attention broken, he looks across at her, and she realises he wasn’t focused on the TV at all. The presenter rattles on, and Matt’s not glancing back at him. Wherever his mind was, it wasn’t with Channel 4. ‘Why don’t you just tell me what’s going on?’

She’s as surprised at the question as he is, and taken aback by her sudden knowledge that of course something’s going on. If she wasn’t living in a befuddled daze every evening, they’d have had this conversation long ago. All she’s done with her comfort drinking is make it easy for him to take his comfort elsewhere.

‘What do you mean?’ Of course he would ask that, stalling for time, fishing to find out what she knows, or thinks she knows.

‘Oxford, Schmoxford,’ she says, and there’s a slight slur in her speech. ‘What’s her name?’

‘Don’t be silly,’ he says, and seems to give his attention back to the TV. Being called silly stings; her mother used to say it, and it feels patronising.

‘What are you going to do?’ she asks, and Matt looks uneasy. ‘For Evan’s sake, we need to decide. We can’t stay here. We need to get him the help he needs, put him in a place where he can start to rebuild his life, maybe go back to school.’

‘He’s hardly ready for that.’

‘I can see that, silly. I’m the one who’s at home with him all day, remember? So what I’m asking you is, is it going to be just me and Evan, or are you coming too?’

She’s expecting a quick answer, a reassurance that of course he’s committed, that she and Evan are his life. Anyone would say that, wouldn’t they? But instead there’s silence, and she can see Matt forming sentences in his head, trying them out to see which is the best, the least painful fit.

‘Listen,’ he says.

And then the house phone rings.

She can see the relief on his face. He gets up to find the handset and looks at the caller display.

‘It’s Dad,’ he says, and pushes the button to take the call. ‘Hi, Dad, how are you?’

There’s a long delay as Matt listens. He asks, ‘What did they say?’ and then Jack talks a lot more.

‘I’ll come tomorrow,’ Matt says. ‘Of course I will. No arguments. I’ll set off first thing.’