Back Found Save as PDF
Chapters (62)
  1. Title
  2. Copyright
  3. Contents
  4. About the Author
  5. About the Book
  6. Dedication
  7. Your Worst Nightmare
  8. ONE
  9. TWO
  10. THREE
  11. FOUR
  12. FIVE
  13. SIX
  14. SEVEN
  15. EIGHT
  16. NINE
  17. The Answer to All Your Prayers
  18. TEN
  19. ELEVEN
  20. TWELVE
  21. THIRTEEN
  22. FOURTEEN
  23. FIFTEEN
  24. SIXTEEN
  25. SEVENTEEN
  26. EIGHTEEN
  27. NINETEEN
  28. TWENTY
  29. TWENTY-ONE
  30. TWENTY-TWO
  31. TWENTY-THREE
  32. TWENTY-FOUR
  33. TWENTY-FIVE
  34. TWENTY-SIX
  35. TWENTY-SEVEN
  36. TWENTY-EIGHT
  37. TWENTY-NINE
  38. THIRTY
  39. THIRTY-ONE
  40. Somebody Else’s Child
  41. THIRTY-TWO
  42. THIRTY-THREE
  43. THIRTY-FOUR
  44. THIRTY-FIVE
  45. THIRTY-SIX
  46. THIRTY-SEVEN
  47. THIRTY-EIGHT
  48. THIRTY-NINE
  49. FORTY
  50. FORTY-ONE
  51. FORTY-TWO
  52. FORTY-THREE
  53. FORTY-FOUR
  54. FORTY-FIVE
  55. FORTY-SIX
  56. FORTY-SEVEN
  57. FORTY-EIGHT
  58. FORTY-NINE
  59. Sunlight on Water
  60. July
  61. September
  62. Acknowledgements

When Claire opens the door she looks different, as if she might have reached the low point of her descent and be climbing back up. There are traces of colour in her cheeks, though her hair is still careless, swept back in a corner-chemist clip. She invites Naylor in. On the hall floor, there’s a black bin bag, stuffed to capacity.

‘Evan’s old clothes,’ says Claire. ‘I kept them all, and now they’re too small. Time to throw them out.’

Overhead, a floorboard creaks. A door closes, and a bolt rattles home.

Claire looks at Naylor, shrugs and leads the way to the kitchen, where the air’s thick with oven chips and vinegar and warm sausage-fat from a pan on the stove. She offers Naylor a seat at the table, which is covered in clutter – a laptop, unopened mail, keys, a couple of DVDs – but the place overall seems tidier, cleaner. In recovery.

‘I bought him a few bits to be going on with, but it’s difficult,’ says Claire. ‘He’s lost touch with everything, what’s in and what’s out, doesn’t know what his friends are wearing.’ She’s filling the kettle at the tap. ‘Listen to me, talking about his friends. I don’t think he’ll have many of those. I expect we’ll move now, have a fresh start. No bad thing, I suppose. Matt wanted to move anyway. We’re notorious around here, and he hates that, being whispered about, but I always resisted.’

She switches on the kettle and takes two white mugs from the cupboard. Naylor has white mugs at home, but hers were ordered from a cheap catalogue, a job lot of crockery, four place settings, when she moved into the new flat. Claire’s look like porcelain, an elegant design pleasing to the eye; they’ve got Habitat or John Lewis written all over them.

‘Earl Grey or English Breakfast?’

‘Builder’s,’ says Naylor. ‘Milk and one, please.’

A black cat is walking down the back garden path. The view from the kitchen window is of other people’s gardens, and of other houses. Claire opens the fridge to find the milk, and the fridge looks full, of vegetables and yogurt and cartons of juice.

‘I had this thing,’ Claire goes on, pouring milk, spooning sugar, ‘that he might come home. That he might turn up here one day, and wouldn’t find us. Wouldn’t that have been too awful? Now I wish we had moved, so he didn’t have to come back here, to being a curiosity. I don’t blame him for not wanting to go out.’

‘Doesn’t he want to go out?’

Claire shakes her head and places Naylor’s tea in front of her, still whirling from being stirred.