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Chapters (62)
  1. Title
  2. Copyright
  3. Contents
  4. About the Author
  5. About the Book
  6. Dedication
  7. Your Worst Nightmare
  8. ONE
  9. TWO
  10. THREE
  11. FOUR
  12. FIVE
  13. SIX
  14. SEVEN
  15. EIGHT
  16. NINE
  17. The Answer to All Your Prayers
  18. TEN
  19. ELEVEN
  20. TWELVE
  21. THIRTEEN
  22. FOURTEEN
  23. FIFTEEN
  24. SIXTEEN
  25. SEVENTEEN
  26. EIGHTEEN
  27. NINETEEN
  28. TWENTY
  29. TWENTY-ONE
  30. TWENTY-TWO
  31. TWENTY-THREE
  32. TWENTY-FOUR
  33. TWENTY-FIVE
  34. TWENTY-SIX
  35. TWENTY-SEVEN
  36. TWENTY-EIGHT
  37. TWENTY-NINE
  38. THIRTY
  39. THIRTY-ONE
  40. Somebody Else’s Child
  41. THIRTY-TWO
  42. THIRTY-THREE
  43. THIRTY-FOUR
  44. THIRTY-FIVE
  45. THIRTY-SIX
  46. THIRTY-SEVEN
  47. THIRTY-EIGHT
  48. THIRTY-NINE
  49. FORTY
  50. FORTY-ONE
  51. FORTY-TWO
  52. FORTY-THREE
  53. FORTY-FOUR
  54. FORTY-FIVE
  55. FORTY-SIX
  56. FORTY-SEVEN
  57. FORTY-EIGHT
  58. FORTY-NINE
  59. Sunlight on Water
  60. July
  61. September
  62. Acknowledgements

She wraps her fingers around his and finds him squeezing, as hard as he did the day Evan was born, a tiny, angry Evan, wrinkled and clench-fisted, screaming his fury at being forced into the world. Claire remembers the first moments of holding him in her arms, how he lit a light of purpose inside her: the only thing that mattered was loving and caring for her son. Over the years, that light dimmed, shadowed by cravings for free time, me-time, a career and a life beyond being Evan’s mum. False grails, she sees now, and fool’s gold. In her life there’s only one true light, and if it goes out, what’s the point of carrying on?

‘Are you OK?’ asks Matt. His face has grown thin, and he’s aged in the depths of his eyes. The confident, I’ve-got-this Matt she knew has disappeared, and a man she barely knows stands alongside her, waiting to be told what to do.

The policeman in charge – Chief Inspector Campbell – is relaxed as he walks towards them, wearing a smile intended to put them at ease. The pressure from Matt’s hand lessens, but he doesn’t let go.

‘Ready?’ asks Campbell, and – even though she isn’t and never will be – in the face of his authority, Claire nods yes.

‘You’ll be fine,’ says Campbell. ‘I’ll take all the questions. All you have to do is read out your statement. If it gets too much for you, Matt, you take over. Just remember you’re doing this for Evan.’

As the door opens, Campbell leads the way, and two PR people, a man and a woman, follow behind. Matt squeezes Claire’s hand again, and leads her through the door, into a dazzling starburst of camera flashes.

The PR people usher Claire and Matt into chairs. Static LED lights blaze in their eyes, obscuring the room beyond. Campbell and the PR people take their seats. A screen behind them shows a photofit of the tattooed man drawn from Stewie’s description, alongside a blown-up artist’s impression of the snake tattoo on his hand.

Claire moves her head, and finds beyond the lights she can see the crowd craning for a view of her, fascinated by her devastation and despair.

Under the table, Matt’s hand grasps hers.

Campbell begins to speak confidently and concisely, giving the known facts of Evan’s disappearance. As he’s talking, Claire notices a presenter who’s been a regular on her front lawn, a face she recognises as Dale Vardy from BBC South.

And then the Chief Inspector says, ‘Claire?’

Her stomach lurches. Matt lets go of her hand, as Claire feels a deep blush spread into her face.