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Chapters (62)
  1. Title
  2. Copyright
  3. Contents
  4. About the Author
  5. About the Book
  6. Dedication
  7. Your Worst Nightmare
  8. ONE
  9. TWO
  10. THREE
  11. FOUR
  12. FIVE
  13. SIX
  14. SEVEN
  15. EIGHT
  16. NINE
  17. The Answer to All Your Prayers
  18. TEN
  19. ELEVEN
  20. TWELVE
  21. THIRTEEN
  22. FOURTEEN
  23. FIFTEEN
  24. SIXTEEN
  25. SEVENTEEN
  26. EIGHTEEN
  27. NINETEEN
  28. TWENTY
  29. TWENTY-ONE
  30. TWENTY-TWO
  31. TWENTY-THREE
  32. TWENTY-FOUR
  33. TWENTY-FIVE
  34. TWENTY-SIX
  35. TWENTY-SEVEN
  36. TWENTY-EIGHT
  37. TWENTY-NINE
  38. THIRTY
  39. THIRTY-ONE
  40. Somebody Else’s Child
  41. THIRTY-TWO
  42. THIRTY-THREE
  43. THIRTY-FOUR
  44. THIRTY-FIVE
  45. THIRTY-SIX
  46. THIRTY-SEVEN
  47. THIRTY-EIGHT
  48. THIRTY-NINE
  49. FORTY
  50. FORTY-ONE
  51. FORTY-TWO
  52. FORTY-THREE
  53. FORTY-FOUR
  54. FORTY-FIVE
  55. FORTY-SIX
  56. FORTY-SEVEN
  57. FORTY-EIGHT
  58. FORTY-NINE
  59. Sunlight on Water
  60. July
  61. September
  62. Acknowledgements

Something gives a cruel stab to Jack’s heart, sharp enough to take his breath away, and he feels his face lose colour. Even so, he finds a smile for Evan.

‘Here he is,’ he says, with a cheerfulness he’s pressed even to fake. ‘Merry Christmas!’

‘Merry Christmas, Grandpa.’ Evan holds up one of the stockings. ‘Father Christmas left this for you. I thought we could open them together.’

Jack smiles, and the stabbing in his heart fades.

‘Father Christmas brought me a stocking? Well, that is a surprise! I don’t suppose I’ve had a stocking in fifty years! I wonder where he found the stuff to fill a stocking for an old man like me?’

‘Harrogate, mainly,’ says Evan. ‘Shall we open them in here?’

‘I’ll tell you what, since it’s Christmas, you run through to the front room and light the fire. Let’s have it warm like your mother likes it, though the rest of us will be boiled to death like Christmas puddings. And then we’ll go and sit nice and comfortable on the sofa, and see what we’ve got.’

Evan leaves him, and Jack takes advantage of the hiatus to force himself from his chair. His tablets and inhaler are in the drawer, and the hit from the inhaler brings almost instant relief, making him wonder why he lets himself get so miserable with unnecessary pain. Downing the maximum dose of tablets, he puts the kettle on to make more tea.

In the lounge, Evan’s beaming with excitement.

‘Look at all the presents, Grandpa!’ he says, and it’s true there are plenty, put there by Matt when they’d all gone to bed. With the fire going and the tree lit, the room’s festive, but he’ll miss the little niceties from Dora, the chocolate brazils and merino wool socks and the Marks and Spencer’s vests he’s always worn.

Evan’s waiting expectantly on the sofa, the first of the brightly wrapped gifts from his stocking in his lap.

Jack sits down next to him.

‘Come on, then,’ he says, and takes out his first parcel. It’s a thoughtful gift, but fuel for his heartbreak: like Dora always used to buy him, a box of chocolate brazils.

Boxing Day has been and gone, and in the squalls and gales of mid-winter, Ainsclough Top is bleak. There’s snow on Blackmire Ridge which looks like it might be there till spring, and the old house will miss the cheering fairy lights and tinsel of another Christmas past.