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Chapters (62)
  1. Title
  2. Copyright
  3. Contents
  4. About the Author
  5. About the Book
  6. Dedication
  7. Your Worst Nightmare
  8. ONE
  9. TWO
  10. THREE
  11. FOUR
  12. FIVE
  13. SIX
  14. SEVEN
  15. EIGHT
  16. NINE
  17. The Answer to All Your Prayers
  18. TEN
  19. ELEVEN
  20. TWELVE
  21. THIRTEEN
  22. FOURTEEN
  23. FIFTEEN
  24. SIXTEEN
  25. SEVENTEEN
  26. EIGHTEEN
  27. NINETEEN
  28. TWENTY
  29. TWENTY-ONE
  30. TWENTY-TWO
  31. TWENTY-THREE
  32. TWENTY-FOUR
  33. TWENTY-FIVE
  34. TWENTY-SIX
  35. TWENTY-SEVEN
  36. TWENTY-EIGHT
  37. TWENTY-NINE
  38. THIRTY
  39. THIRTY-ONE
  40. Somebody Else’s Child
  41. THIRTY-TWO
  42. THIRTY-THREE
  43. THIRTY-FOUR
  44. THIRTY-FIVE
  45. THIRTY-SIX
  46. THIRTY-SEVEN
  47. THIRTY-EIGHT
  48. THIRTY-NINE
  49. FORTY
  50. FORTY-ONE
  51. FORTY-TWO
  52. FORTY-THREE
  53. FORTY-FOUR
  54. FORTY-FIVE
  55. FORTY-SIX
  56. FORTY-SEVEN
  57. FORTY-EIGHT
  58. FORTY-NINE
  59. Sunlight on Water
  60. July
  61. September
  62. Acknowledgements

‘I’d like a dog like that,’ says Evan, and it strikes Claire that in that throw-away remark there’s an aspiration, an imagining of a future for himself she wouldn’t have seen in him six months ago. She sees, too, that he’s relishing his food, spooning up whipped cream and chocolate flakes from his tall glass of chocolate, carefully buttering each piece of his giant scone, rather than shovelling it in unaware as he did when he first came back. Food then was no more than fuel to him, a matter of survival, something to be consumed as fast as possible in case there was no more where it came from, with the thought surely constantly hanging over him that any meal might be his last.

Suddenly, she feels the magnitude of her gratitude for being here with him. If she dared, she’d reach across the table and touch his adolescent, long-fingered hand, which she notices is starting to resemble Jack’s hands, a little reddened from all weathers, a little calloused from hefting feed-sacks and forking hay and straw. A country boy’s hand. But she daren’t touch him; there’s something still about him – and maybe always will be – of wariness, of distance. Any contact is on his terms, to be instigated by him. It’s a privilege that he sometimes feels safe enough to touch her shoulder or her arm.

As she’s paying the bill, Evan beckons her to the counter display of glorious confection, and points to the Fat Rascals.

‘Grandpa,’ he says.

The counter assistant bags one up, and gives it to Evan to take home.

They wander companionably along wide streets with the open space of the park to one side, looking into shop windows which are marvels of seasonal magic: twinkling lights, gold baubles and glitzy tinsels, ribbon-wrapped parcels, fairies, reindeer and elves.

Evan stops at the window of a gentlemen’s outfitters, where there’s a display of ties in bold and interesting patterns. Claire lets him take his time to choose one for Matt, and offers him money so he can pay. He’s reluctant to go alone to the till, and she doesn’t force him but leaves him by the door while she goes herself, turning round two or three times to make sure he’s still there. When she does so, she finds him looking back at her for reassurance, holding his bag from Bettys, a picture of innocence whose innocence is lost.