“Would you have listened?”

“Probably not.”

“Besides, those walls weren’t there just to protect my reputation, were they?”

Max didn’t see where Niki was going at first, but then it came to him. “Jenni.”

Niki nodded. “It was like there were three of us in that squad car. But I was fine with it. She was the love of your life. You were grieving. Truth is, I admired the way you held on to her. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be loved like that?”

Niki stood and went to the stove, where the teakettle was puffing out small breaths of steam, building up to its boil. She kept her back to Max as she spoke. “You had a road to walk, and I was willing to wait. But then you disappeared.” She gave a light sigh as though surrendering something precious. “When you left… it hurt.”

“I’m sorry. I…”

“I used to drive past your house—after you left. I kept thinking that I’d see a light on. I kept hoping that you’d come back. Then one day I saw the For Sale sign. I cried. I just couldn’t believe it.”

The kettle began to chirp.

Had he known how she really felt? He thought back and remembered the laughter and the glances, the unspoken subtleties behind the playful banter. Yeah, he had known, but he had shut it down, refused to see what was right in front of his face. All those rules—and for what? And now it was too late. He had murdered a man. There could be no coming back from that.

“I know you don’t understand,” Max said, “but… it’s better if you keep your distance. I’m not the man I used to be.”

“Still building your walls… still hiding from the world.” She spoke softly, almost to herself.

“I belong in the woods,” he insisted. “I’m no good here.”

The teakettle began to whistle hard and loud. Niki turned the burner off and poured the water into the cups, the tea bags floating to the top. She put the kettle down and held still for a moment before turning, a cup in each hand.

“I think I’m gonna drink mine in my room,” she said. “We have a long day tomorrow.” She put Max’s cup on the table. “Your room is the last door on the right. And if you wake up before me, you’re in charge of making coffee.” She smiled, but there was nothing behind it.

Max smiled back: it felt like charity.

She started out of the kitchen, but at the hallway door paused to look at Max. “You can go to the woods if you want to… hide from the world, from me… But, Max… you have to understand by now, right? You’ll never be able to hide from yourself.”

With that, Niki walked away.

CHAPTER 37

Spud wasn’t answering his phone. In the thirty hours since he took off, Reed had left only three messages, calm entreaties to get together, the kind of innocuous statement that would mean nothing to an investigator. But behind the banal words, Reed seethed. “You stupid… goddamned… dumbass… son of a bitch!”