We decided to go home after that one night. To try to make this very abnormal situation more normal for the girls. We had our alarms in place. The house was safer. The girls wouldn’t be going to school or daycare again until everything was settled.

Molly had clung to me as we’d walked in the front door, afraid of every shadow and every corner.

‘What if the bad man is here?’ she’d asked.

‘He can’t get in,’ Paul had assured her. ‘The police have put a big magic shield around the house to stop any bad men getting inside. If they so much as touch it, the police come and take them right to jail.’

Molly had looked at me for reassurance that what her daddy had told her was true. I’d nodded and in that moment, I saw a glimpse of the man I’d fallen in love with. Safe. Secure. Loving. My partner. Not perfect, of course, but then neither was I. I never would be.

In a selfish way, I still wanted Michael. Still tried to run through useless scenarios in my head in which I could have my cake and eat it. But there was no solution that would work. I knew that. When all was said and done, I needed my family more than I needed him. And more than anything, they needed me.

I couldn’t seem to sit still. Walked through the house cleaning everything that stood still. Keeping busy until I started to ache. I thought if I kept busy I’d feel less scared. That I’d feel less confused. Less guilty. More sure of myself.

By late afternoon, when the sun was hot and the house so stifling I was sure I was at risk of combusting, I finally decided that I simply had to see Michael, to tell him that I did need the space he’d offered me only a few days before. In fact, I needed more than that.

‘I’m nipping to the supermarket,’ I said to Paul.

‘Is that wise?’ he asked. ‘I could go instead.’

His voice wasn’t harsh. His tone was not argumentative, as it had been before. He sounded concerned – genuinely concerned.

‘I’ll take that phone the police gave me and I won’t be long. Paul, I can’t be a prisoner in my own house forever.’

I was fishing through the cupboards, pulling out a selection of ‘bags for life’ to take with me. The truth was, we did need some shopping, and if I was as quick as I could be around the supermarket, I was sure I could make just a little time to see Michael. I’d text him and ask him to meet me.

‘Well, maybe I should come with you,’ Paul said, interrupting my thoughts.

I told him that wouldn’t be necessary probably more quickly than I should have.