‘I know we did,’ he said, blinking, as if he too was close to tears now. ‘But we were so young, and then life suddenly got serious so fast.’

‘You know, if you were having doubts, you didn’t have to marry me.’

‘I could hardly break things off after Leo, you were a mess—the wedding was the only thing keeping you going. I’d have looked like a bastard!’

‘Okay, Adrian and Ashling, let’s calm things again. Why don’t we talk about that time—when you lost your baby. How many months pregnant were you?’

I ignored Megan’s question—I didn’t want to talk about my son—and tossed another one at Adrian. ‘Did you ever love me? Or did you just feel sorry for me? Did you just feel obligated?’

‘I’m not even sure I knew what love was back then,’ Adrian said regretfully.

I recoiled as if he’d slapped me. His words wounded me beyond repair. I could no longer ignore what was happening to my marriage or cling to a dim hope that I could fix it. The day Adrian had asked me about nest parenting had just been a bad nightmare; this was the real betrayal.

I felt despair in every part of my body—from my leaking eyes to the feet that were encased in bloody ugly, podiatry-grade shoes. Suddenly feeling as if I knew Megan better than the man I’d lived with for over twenty years, I shot up from my seat, yanked off my shoes and threw them at my husband.

The first got him right in the mouth and the second one narrowly missed him as he ducked, but I didn’t hang around to hear his reaction or to find out if Megan had any words of wisdom. Needing to escape, I grabbed my handbag and stormed out.

How could I have been so stupid to believe Adrian had any intention of working on our marriage? Was he just humouring me when he’d agreed to attend counselling? And why had I followed through after what he’d done?

This thought bore more rage—but this time at myself.

I couldn’t believe I’d even entertained the idea of taking him back after his shenanigans of the past couple of months. I’d been so desperate not to put my children through any of the anguish or upheaval I’d suffered in my childhood that I’d been prepared to sacrifice my own self-respect and happiness.

But no more. Now that the truth was out, I was done.

Chapter 35

35

As I climbed into my car, I tugged off my wedding ring and shoved it in the glovebox. Then, my breathing ragged, I drove as fast as I could to the most expensive shoe shop in town—a beautiful boutique in Claremont—and phoned Hayley.

She answered on the second ring. ‘Hey babe, what’s up?’