It’s even smellier upstairs. I swear, it’s like an old frat house party and I’m the only girl invited.

We sit on bar stools at a tall table, and I put down my beer without taking a sip. Kai’s already made a serious dent in his.

“So,” I say brightly.

He just looks at me.

I take a quick breath, thinking that wasn’t the best conversation starter. I’m always chiding Jessie for initiating discussions with, “What’s your favorite color?” It wouldn’t be so bad if Jessie really cared about your color. But she doesn’t. Her question is just her way to force you to talk to her. “You said you grew up in Florida.”

He nods, eyes creasing at the corners.

I tip my head. “You don’t talk a lot, Kai.”

“I’d rather listen to you.”

“Did you learn that in How to Woo Women 101?”

His smile broadens. “Nah. I’d just rather listen to you. Look at you. You’re beautiful. And it doesn’t hurt that I’ve always had a thing for redheads.”

Another quick breath. Easy, girl. That wasn’t a declaration of love. It’s a compliment, probably designed to get you into bed.

And you’ve already decided you want to do that, haven’t you?

I bite my lip, sure but not sure.

I want to try something new and different, want the whole “no regrets” thing, but sex, wow, sex is kind of scary. I know I’m forty, have had two kids, showed a million nurses and doctors and God and everyone everything I had between my legs when I was delivering my little monsters into the world… but still, sex with a young man, sex with a strange young man, sex with a very sexy young man…

Not something I’ve done. Ever.

But something I think I have to do.

Why?

Why? I could very well end up scared or embarrassed, ashamed… foolish. And then I could very well have fun.

Or something more adult than fun. Something like… pleasure.

“Do you do this often?” I blurt, and he sits even farther back on his stool. Probably not another good conversation starter.

Perhaps Jessie took a page from my book….

“Do you want me to tell you no? That you’re the first?”

I bite down hard, jaw grinding. What a male answer. “Obviously I’m not the first.”

“So?” His beer is nearly half gone. I’ve yet to take a sip of mine. So I do. And then another sip. Very small, as I’m not much of a beer drinker.

Kai’s watching and grinning. “Wow. That’s going after it.”