My eyes prickle and burn, and it’s a battle to keep them dry. I blink, take a quick breath, force a smile. “This wasn’t who I was fifteen years ago. I used to live overseas. I had my own place in Paris. Had an apartment in Italy. I was so adventurous. Took so many risks. And yet now I’m…” And my voice fades because I can’t say it, can’t admit that I’m like Casper the Friendly Ghost. I’m gone. I’m not even there anymore.

He doesn’t speak and I don’t try, and I’m feeling hot and miserable for saying so much. I shouldn’t say these things, not to a man, not to a younger, fun-loving man. God, I wish I weren’t so intense, so emotional, so full of thoughts and regrets.

The regrets will bury me someday.

“How long have you been divorced?” Kai asks after a moment as the catamaran lifts and drops on a wave, water splashing everywhere.

“A year,” I answer. “A year this week.”

“You’re dating?”

“A little. I do get asked out, but it’s different.”

“You don’t sound like you’re having fun.”

“I don’t find dating at my age… fun.”

“Your age.” Kai laughs softly, runs a hand through his dark hair, his blue eyes creased in his very handsome, very tan face. “That’s funny.”

“What’s funny?”

“You’re very hung up on age.”

“Most women my—” I break off, flushing.

“Your age?” he guesses, nearly downing the rest of his cocktail. “Are you afraid if you don’t keep reminding me of your age that I might, what? Come on to you?”

I don’t answer because he’s right. That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.

Almost as afraid that he won’t hit on me.

After the cocktail cruise ends, we stand on the beach for a moment. I’m trying to find a way to say good-bye but the words don’t come, not easily or gracefully. “I should go,” I say, yet even I hear the reluctance in my voice.

“Your friends are probably waiting for you,” he agrees.

“Friends?”

“Buzz.”

I grin. “Butch.” My smile fades a little. “Not that I’m eager to see him again.”

Kai laughs. “He’s loaded. Have you seen the diamond rings that guy’s wearing?”

“Yes. But it’s a little too bling-bling for me.”

“You don’t like bling?”

“I live in Seattle, Kai. We’re not very bling-blingy.”

“What are you into in Seattle?”

“Rain.” My answer makes him laugh, and I add, “Coffee. Sports. Labradors. I swear, everyone has a blond Lab where I live.”

“If you’re not in a hurry to get back, let’s get another drink.”