Anne hesitates at the other end of the phone line. “You’re going to still go, aren’t you?”

I glance around the airport terminal, where I’m in line with people decked out in tropical threads even though it’s a cold, wet, windy Seattle morning. “I don’t know.”

The disappointment is huge. Significant. “What am I going to do there on my own, Annie?” I’m already picturing the hotel pool, the young waiters in shorts, the couples and families having fun, and me by myself. And I’ve had enough of being by myself this year, thank you very much.

“What are you going to do there?” Anne’s voice rises, incredulous. “You’re going to soak up the sun, drink great blender drinks, ogle cute guys. Jack, it’s Hawaii!” She takes a quick breath. “And need I remind you that the weather sucks here? It’s supposed to rain all week. Again.”

This is a good point, I think, nudging my suitcase forward with one toe as everyone in line slowly moves up. A really good point. We’ve had the wettest, coldest, yuckiest winter in years, and I don’t even know what blue sky looks like anymore.

“And if you don’t go, you’ll end up running yourself ragged again this weekend. Let Daniel keep the kids and you get on the plane and just relax.”

But I so don’t want to go alone. I so don’t want to do a girls’ weekend without another girl. “What if we postpone the trip? Wait until you can go?”

“I wish we could, but it’s a package vacation. The hotel is nonrefundable, and it’s a swanky hotel, Jack, deluxe ocean-view room, right on the beach. Paradise guaranteed.”

I say nothing, knuckles pressed to my mouth, and I’m scared. Scared. I haven’t been anywhere in years on my own. Yes, there have been short business trips and buying trips, but I’ve always stayed at the corporate-style hotel, and there was a purpose to the trips. This is just vacation. I don’t know how to vacation on my own. I’m an almost forty-year-old woman, mother of a nine-year-old and a five-year-old, and I don’t want to go on a vacation if it’s not with my kids or friends.

“Jack…” Anne’s voice is gentle. “You’ll have a good time. Just get on the plane. A driver’s waiting in Honolulu. He’ll have a sign. Go to the hotel, check in, put on your swimsuit, head to the pool, and drink a banana daiquiri for me.”