The weeks pass, and I’ve become nauseated as hell. I’m sipping water and munching saltines in secret and am completely off coffee. I know it’s only a matter of time before my friends notice, especially Anne, who knows my addiction to caffeine. I wonder when I’m going to tell my friends what’s going on with me.

When I throw up in the bathroom during Jessica’s end-of-year dance recital, I know it’s time to tell them.

I’m a mess. I can hardly keep a mouthful down, and I’m angry as all hell. I’d forgotten how the first trimester makes me feel out of control. I remember meeting women who said they loved being pregnant, and I never understood it then and can’t understand it now.

My bad moods are scaring even me. I need help. Support. Encouragement. Forgiveness. Something.

After the dance recital, I muster my courage and call Kristine, Nic, and Anne, inviting them over tomorrow for a girls’-night-only dinner at my place. Daniel has the kids tomorrow, and I figure it’s as good a time as any to break the news. I’m tempted to book a table at the Madison Park Café, a favorite restaurant of ours, but realize a French bistro could be dangerous. I might throw up, and on hearing the news, one (or more) of my friends might scream.

Late the next afternoon, Kristine calls. “I’m not sure I can make it tonight,” she says breathlessly. “I’ve got a meeting—”

“Skip it,” I interrupt, leaning across my kitchen’s golden granite counter to stretch out an arm to keep William from punching his sister for her calling him a dumb-butt just now. “This is important. You don’t want to hear this secondhand.”

“You’re not moving to Hawaii, are you?” Kris asks, deadpan.

“Not yet, no.”

“You’re getting married.”

I glare at the kids to try to keep them in check. “No, not that. But I am making my famous Oriental chicken salad and I’ve got a bottle of wine in the fridge.”

“So what’s going on?”

“Come at six-thirty and you’ll find out.”

“What about your kids?”

“Daniel’s got them.” Quickly I cover the phone’s mouthpiece to shush Jessica, who is making ape noises to rattle William.

“I heard he and his girlfriend broke up.”

I’m surprised. I hadn’t heard anything about it. Not from him (why should he tell me?) and not from the kids. “I didn’t know.”

“I guess she wanted more of a commitment from him, and he thought it was all moving too fast.”