Back Expectation: a Novel
Chapters (66)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. London Fields
  5. 2010
  6. Hannah
  7. Cate
  8. Lissa
  9. Cate
  10. Abjections
  11. Hannah
  12. Lissa
  13. Soulmates
  14. Cate
  15. Lissa
  16. Hannah
  17. Resistance
  18. Cate
  19. Lissa
  20. Hannah
  21. True North
  22. Cate
  23. Lissa
  24. Hannah
  25. London
  26. Lissa
  27. Cate
  28. Lissa
  29. Hannah
  30. Bras
  31. Cate
  32. Hannah
  33. Cate
  34. Hannah
  35. Cate
  36. Hannah
  37. Lissa
  38. Hannah
  39. Lissa
  40. Hens
  41. Cate
  42. Hannah
  43. Lissa
  44. Hannah
  45. Cate
  46. Lissa
  47. Hannah
  48. Epithalamium
  49. Lissa
  50. Hannah
  51. Cate
  52. Lissa
  53. Hannah
  54. Lissa
  55. Hannah
  56. Cate
  57. Lissa
  58. Hannah
  59. Lissa
  60. 2012
  61. Hannah
  62. London Fields
  63. Acknowledgments
  64. About the Author
  65. Also by Anna Hope
  66. About the Publisher

HER FATHER MEETS her on the platform at Stockport. She sees him through the window before he sees her—always the momentary shock at his hesitancy, the white of his hair. As she gets off the train she sees his head twisting this way and that, searching for her.

“Dad,” she calls, and he turns towards her, holding out his arms.

He smells of soap, and the sharpness of her mum’s washing powder.

“Let me take that.” He moves for her suitcase.

“It’s fine. It’s not heavy.”

“Shush. Give it here. Got your ticket? There’s turnstiles at the back now.”

The car is parked where it always is. “Now”—he lifts her case into the boot—“your mother’s made shepherd’s pie. She’s worried about you, love.”

It is raining, a light drizzle. The leaves are brown; autumn is already making itself felt up here. Her mother is in the kitchen when they arrive, the windows steamed up, the dog jumping up to say hello.

“Come here.” Her mum presses her to her chest. “You’ve lost weight,” she says, tut-tutting as she hugs her.

They eat shepherd’s pie and broccoli, fruit and cream for pudding, and then afterward go into the living room and sit in front of the TV.

“What would you like to watch?” Her father turns on the TV, hands her the three remote controls with a small flourish. “You decide.”

“I don’t mind, really. What would you normally watch now?”

She sits beside her mother. They watch an episode of a period drama.

When the commercials come on, her father goes into the kitchen and comes back with tea and chocolate.

He hands her hers with a wink. “Aldi,” he says. “They do these lovely little bars.”

SHE GOES TO bed when her parents do, at half past nine, and lies down in her childhood room, in her old single bed. There’s a photo on the wall of her and her dad on her wedding day, standing outside in the park—the afternoon light. That green dress.

Her mother pops her head around the door on her way from the bathroom.

“Anything you need?”

“Thanks, Mum, I’m fine.”

“Hot water bottle?”

“I’m OK.”

“I know, but it’s nippy tonight. And I just thought, for your tummy . . . after everything.”

“I’m fine. Thanks, Mum.”

“All right, love. Night night.”

“Night, Mum.”

Her mum closes the door softly, and it strikes Hannah, not for the first time, that her parents, whose sphere of life has always seemed so small, so constrained, have mastered the art of kindness. She used to lambast them—the newspaper they read (the Daily Mail), the telly they watched (soaps and nature programs). Their politics. Their religion (Church of England). Their horizons, always so narrow. Their naivety. Their class.

And yet they are kind.