I take an extra shift at the Blind Pig to justify spending $250 on a reading. Luckily, I make $200 in tips alone because I get a big birthday dinner. As always, I keep my eye out for Rolexes and any other signs of wealth, people I can flirt with. But unfortunately the Blind Pig isn’t where fancy people go. It’s mostly college students and middle-class losers.

I just smile and put my tits out and collect my money and get the fuck out of there.

Back at the apartment complex, I am thrilled to see Karen’s empty parking space. She is almost always home at night. I’ve never seen her with or even heard her talk about another person. It is just her and her orange-striped cat. I’ve never been inside her apartment, but I’ve peeked in on occasion. She has a lot of stuffed animals. Tara said she is probably a furry. Maybe she is at some weird furry orgy tonight.

Smoking an Ultra Light out the window, I open Instagram to DM Exalted, my future ex-wife. I want the reading! I can Venmo you the $250 :). I wait for her to respond, but there is nothing. I guess she isn’t on her phone. I decide to figure out this Venmo thing while I wait for her to respond.

As I am typing my bank account info into the app, Exalted responds: I need your birthday, including year, birthplace, and birth time.

Hmm. I don’t know my birth time. My mom will probably know, but we don’t have the best relationship. When my dad left, I left too. I moved in with my boyfriend, then my next boyfriend, then my first girlfriend, until I moved into this shithole about … I don’t want to do the math.