“But how fun would it be to go out?” I ask. “I might even drink my one cocktail of the year and give you a blow job later!”

“Let’s go out!” he shouts.

“Let’s!” I say, playing the excited party girl, Thomas’s delighted lover. I skip into the bathroom to examine my appearance. I look a bit slovenly, wearing a black T-shirt for a dress and no makeup. Everyone in LA is fairly haggard, but I’m not twenty- three anymore. I can’t get away with that off-duty cokehead look anymore. I need some makeup. I look in the drawers. Surely some girl left her mascara here.

In the mirror cabinet, I find both mascara and eyeliner and apply them heavily.

“You ready?” Thomas asks, peeking in the bathroom. For a second, I feel like we are an actual couple, and it’s gross but also nice to feel like I am sharing this wretched life with someone.

“Do you have anything I could wear?” I ask. “Hasn’t some rich girl left a designer dress here?”

“You know I only have eyes for you, Em,” he says.

“For real,” I say, breaking character for a second. “I know you’re a whore and I want to look good tonight.”

“Who are you trying to impress?” he asks, leaning in the doorframe.

“You!” I say, back in character.

Thomas smiles. “I’ll look.”

He comes back with a purple velvet Betsey Johnson dress. I nearly squeal. It looks exactly like the dress Winona wore to the Age of Innocence premiere. It’s like the fancy version of my Juicy tracksuit, and purple works well with my hair.

“I’m so glad you like it,” Thomas says.

There is a huge line outside the Big Sleep, which bums me out, but Thomas sneaks us in the side entrance. He hugs the guy at the door, then introduces me.

“What is a beautiful woman like you doing with this guy?” the doorman jokes.

I smile. It has been a long time since I’ve been called beautiful. He probably says it to everyone, but it still feels nice, to be wearing an expensive dress and receiving empty flattery. I feel like Winona Ryder in 1993.

“Heyyy,” Thomas says. “Easy.”

“I’m just messing,” the doorman says. “Have fun.” He opens the door. “And if he gives you trouble, you know where to find me.” He winks at me, and—shocking myself—I wink back. My flirty Gemini moon is out tonight.

I feel eyes all over me as we make our way inside. The place is smaller than I imagined—just a packed candlelit bar and a small dance floor with couples swaying to R&B slow jams. My whole body vibrates knowing Beau might be here. Also, the bass is extremely powerful, so I might be vibrating from that.

“I have to run to the bathroom,” Thomas says once we reach the bar.