“Amen,” I say, and we clink glasses. Beth is hot but controlling. She doesn’t like Steph to hang out with any lesbians. I’m pretty sure Steph hasn’t been to Jay’s Bar since they started dating a few years ago. At least not with Beth’s permission. I kind of understand Beth’s possessiveness. I can be like that too. Steph is pretty and flirtatious, and if she were my girlfriend I would probably be the same way. Tara was always talking to her ex-husband, which I couldn’t stand. She claimed they were best friends. I didn’t trust that man at all.

“God, Dawn,” Steph says. “I miss this.”

“Me too,” I say, and for once I’m not lying.

Steph takes one of my cigarettes from my pack and lights it. Steph identifies as a nonsmoker, but she always bums off me when we’re out, and I don’t mind. I like having someone to smoke with. And she always buys me drinks to make up for it.

“Can I borrow your lighter?” a woman asks Steph. She looks like she’s in her late twenties or early thirties. She has long brown hair and is wearing men’s jeans with a black tank top. I am jealous she is talking to Steph and not me, the owner of the lighter.

“Sure,” Steph says, and hands her my baby-blue Bic. I remember the homophobic bartender from Chez Pierre and feel sick. I can tell Steph is high from the attention, which also makes me sick. I take a big sip of my drink to steady myself.

The girl says thank you and lights her cigarette.

“How’s your night going?” Steph asks. It is a boring question, not a great flirt. I feel determined to refocus the brunette’s attention onto me. Steph has a girlfriend. I am the one who hasn’t had sex in nearly a month.

“It’s okay,” she says, and exhales smoke over her shoulder. “I’m here with my friend Erica.” She nods her friend over to the table. The other girl looks shy. I don’t like timid women.Maybe Steph can talk to her and I can talk to the brunette. That’s my goal anyway.

“I’m Steph.”

“Lily,” says the brunette. It’s a pretty name.

“I’m Dawn,” I say, maybe a little too loudly because Lily’s cigarette goes out. I relight it and Lily smiles gratefully. I feel Steph’s eyes on me. We’ve been here before, fighting for the same woman’s smile.

“Dawn is a nice name,” she says.

“Thanks,” I say. “I used to hate it because I’m not a morning person.”

Lily giggles and Steph glares at me.