When the UberPool drops me off, I brush off my dress, take a deep breath, and walk inside. I’m too nervous to look around the room. A bit dizzy, I plop down at the first table I see. I open my Lisa Frank notebook and start drawing flowers in the margin. I got the notebook around the time I got the Juicy tracksuits, back when everything felt ironic. This was about four years ago.

The waiter asks me if I want anything and I jump.

“Sorry,” he says, “didn’t mean to startle you.”

I glare at him. He is very “hot.” Everyone who works here is “hot.” And by “hot” I mean classically attractive in the least interesting hipster iteration. I hated this place when I used to come all the time. It made me feel like my soul was being stepped on by one of those clunky sneakers all the “hot” people are wearing now. But I will give it another chance for Beau.

I sip the water the hot waiter gives me and try to calm down. Eventually, I gather the courage to scan the room. I look methodically, starting in one corner and moving my way diagonally to the next corner and then the next and then the final corner. I look and I look. But I don’t see him.

Maybe he’s in the bathroom or on the street smoking a cigarette. So I order a black coffee—the cheapest thing on the menu—and wait. But I can’t drink the coffee because I am too on edge. I can’t come up with any ideas, so I just keep drawing flowers and looking up periodically. I do this for an hour and a half.

“You okay?” The hot waiter is hovering over me.

I glare again, throw a five-dollar bill on the table, and leave.

I decide to walk home because I don’t want to pay for an Uber. Also, I have a ton of energy. According to my phone, the walk will take one hour and eleven minutes. This will be good for me. I need fresh air and exercise. Well, the air isn’t exactly fresh; it’s filled with exhaust. But the walk might help my figure.

I put on an old Precious Starlets episode in my headphones and begin to pump my legs. At first my body feels stiff and my chest hurts a little, but by the time I reach Silver Lake, I am high on endorphins, a foreign sensation. As the sky turns pink and my heart beats strong in my chest, I feel a sense of hope and promise. I have received a divine gift in the form of Beau Rubidoux. It doesn’t matter if I don’t see him today. I will see him eventually. I will charm him, and he will change my life forever. And I will finally know peace.