“You need a smoke break?” I ask, feeling bold for the first time in his presence. Being exposed and humiliated by Zoe in Gelson’s, whether it was real or a hallucination, the truth or a lie, made me realize I have absolutely nothing to lose.

“Yeah,” he says, and shifts. “That would be nice.”

He follows me outside. The moon glows in the sky. Beau looks at me expectantly. He wants a cigarette. I do not have a cigarette.

I grab his face and start kissing him.

At first he flinches a tiny bit. I recoil a tiny bit. Then he pounces back. And our tongues dance. I push his chest until his back hits the brick of the building. I grab his waist. He pulls my hair and sticks his tongue deeper.

“When can you get out of here?” I ask.

He grabs my hand. “Let’s go.” He leads me to his Honda around the corner, holding my hand tight. A bolt of electricity shoots up my arm.

He runs over to open my door, and before he can, I push him against the car and start kissing him. He grabs my waist and flips me so that my back is up against the car. I see the side of him that photographed me. When I know, I know. He sticks his tongue deep into my mouth and the back of my throat aches. I dig my knee into his crotch and feel his dick getting slightly hard.

A car honks. The driver wants Beau’s spot. We break apart and laugh, and the driver honks again. I flip him off, then Beau opens my door.

As he drives, I trace the inner hem of his jeans with the tip of my finger.

“My place is kinda dirty,” he says.

I want to see his apartment, but it doesn’t really matter. From the second I kissed Beau, something shifted, an electrical current that was previously unlit. I’m not thinking; I am just acting. Every move is natural and organic and unstoppable. I feel like I am being born, alive for the very first time. It doesn’t matter where we are as long as we are together.

“We can go to mine,” I say.

I normally would have asked him to wait outside for a few minutes while I straightened up inside and adjusted the lighting. But in this state, such a request would feel mundane and frankly impossible. There is only one thing I care about right now, and it is having Beau inside me. The need is urgent, more urgent than anything I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

In the apartment, Lydia immediately sprints to the bathroom. I’d forgotten she is shy around strangers. It’s been so long since I’ve had someone over. It’s convenient, honestly, Lydia’s shyness. The last thing I need is my cat watching me fuck.

“Did I just hallucinate something?” Beau asks.