‘For the moment,’ he said, ‘I’m going to have to trust you.’

‘Aurora thinks you’re with the Campaign for Real Sleep,’ I said.

‘What do you think?’ he asked.

‘Past events suggest I should just keep my lip firmly buttoned, and concentrate on surviving the Winter.’

‘Sounds like a winning strategy to me.’

Fodder reappeared from the office and pinned the Pantry Duty roster on the wall. I was doing alternate afternoons, starting tomorrow. I was going to have to remember to bring a book.

‘You two getting along?’ asked Fodder.

‘We have an understanding.’

‘Then you can share the operation of the Airwitzer.’

Foulnap dutifully demonstrated how the weapon worked. It was like a Bambi, only much bigger, and the trigger wasn’t instantaneous. He pointed towards a rack of Thumpers mounted on the wall.

‘And once all these avenues are exhausted,’ said Fodder, ‘we pull the pin on the Golgotha and take them and the building with us.’

He patted the large rugby-ball-shaped grenade that was gaffer-taped to the Airwitzer.

‘What do you think of the plan?’ asked Fodder.

‘What it lacks in finesse it makes up for in finality,’ I said, and they both nodded. Pantry theft was a serious deal.

‘Can I have a look around the museum?’ I asked. ‘To get an idea of layout?’

‘Be my guest,’ said Fodder. ‘The ceramics and glassware sections are particularly fine, there’s a Caravaggio on the second floor and three Turners – not to mention our Kyffin Williams collection. A few rare stamps, too, and the preserved trigger finger and hat brim of Ffion “Mad Dog” McJames. We’ll continue on in half an hour.’

I thanked them both then walked along the empty corridors, looking in through open doors at the dusty exhibits, assisted by the dim glow of the emergency lighting. There were Neolithic remains, the hull of a dugout canoe found in a local lake, and several artefacts from the First Ottoman Campaign. There also seemed to be a goodly amount of junk relating to the World’s Fair which was held here in 1923, an entire wing devoted to Don Hector and HiberTech, and the finest collections of stamps in the region. I peered into the crystal case that held the world’s only 2d Lloyd-George Mauve with the Anglesey cancellation, but it didn’t look that impressive.

I walked up the ornate central staircase and paused on the landing, staring with a sense of disquiet at a glass case that contained a local murderer named Armstrong. He’d been freeze-dried over half a century before, placed on a chair for all to see, dressed in the clothes in which he’d been hanged. It was fortunate he’d been found guilty in the Summer. In the Winter he’d have been Frigicuted and his remains taken by animals – there would have been nothing left to exhibit except a few teeth perhaps, and kidney stones if he’d had any.