I thought for a moment. Or rather, I didn’t think for a moment. I just told Williams to budge up and then sat down on the bench, heart thumping, and for good reason: joining the Winter Service Industry was risky – little more than suicide, some said – but it did give one access to Morphenox.

‘So when did you first consider a Winter career?’ asked Williams, who seemed chatty.

‘Oh, eight seconds ago,’ I replied.

For the 99.99 per cent of the population who slept through, the Winter was an abstract concept. Go to sleep and wake up – hopefully – four months later.

There in the Autumn, gone by the Spring.

It’s a pain in the arse, this hibernation thing.

Eat like a horse, sleep like a bear,

Maybe live, maybe die – best not to care.

Other than those who worked in the Transplant industry and had to brave the Winter, few people opted to face the cold, the vermin, the Villains, the loneliness, the Wintervolk. But with my utterly unrewarding house manager career, limited prospects and the rarity of untrained jobs with Morphenox rights attached, overwintering had suddenly become hugely attractive.

‘How about being a Winter Consul?’ asked Williams. ‘How long you wanted to be one of those?’

‘Oh, years and years.’

In truth, given the risks and the usually over-rigorous selection process, never. I sat on the bench, trying to keep calm and wondering what I should say. Each interview took about ten minutes and to every applicant that emerged long-faced there was a torrent of questions from the remaining queue. All questions were met with a shrug, the news they’d been rejected, and no clue as to what Logan was actually looking for.

After Williams went in with enthusiasm and emerged looking crushed, it was my turn.

Testing time

‘ . . . Hibernational Insomnia or Winsomnia has many causes: some through an abnormality or trauma in the hypothalamus that denies part or full hibernation, others because of Hypnophobia or an inherited disposition towards calcification or muscle wastage. Most choose to be usefully employed during the Winter, but some, the so-called “undeserving awake”, prefer to coast through the Winter on the toil and pantry of others  . . . ’

– Gray’s Guide to the Physiology of Hibernation, XXIInd edition