And it’s weird, how it sucks to throw up, but also there’s that instant relief of emptying yourself from the inside out.

I wish I could expel this secret.

Deception, the heaviest thing you can carry.

“You okay?” I call out, as he wipes a pearly string of saliva hammocking from his lips. I hand him a stack of napkins and a small pack of wet wipes from the car.

“Not gonna lie, I feel better.”

And he didn’t mean it that way but lie echoes up and down the highway.

Lielielielielielie.

“Like, so much better.”

And I nearly say, hold that thought.

“Q, we need to talk.”

“Okay, can we do it in the car? These woods sorta give me the creeps.”

“I just . . . I just need to say it now. While I have the nerve.”

“If a highway forest killer comes out of those trees, you gotta take one for the team.”

I nod weakly. “Q . . . I . . . if it had been up to me, I would’ve told you as soon as . . . how do you even say something like this?”

“You’re freaking me out, man.”

“Brace yourself for more freaking out.”

“J, whatever it is, you can tell me. I won’t . . . I would never judge you. Not anymore, at least. You could tell me that you’re the highway forest killer and I’d be surprised for sure, but then I’d get you the help you need to stop killing in the highway forest. I promise you.”

“Q, it’s not funny, man.”

Q’s hands go up. “When things feel dark, I go for laughs, you know that.”

“Yeah, well, there aren’t enough jokes to lighten this.”

Q holds up his hands. “Why so glum?”

“You should’ve stayed your ass on the beach. You’re a terrible swimmer. Why would you even try?”

“I feel like I’m missing something important.”

“Because you are, Q . . . you’re missing something monument . . . monumentally . . . very important.”

“Or maybe someone’s had a little too much wine.”

“Everyone’s lying to you, Q!”

“What are you saying?”

“Everyone’s lying. Including me.”

“Lying about what?”

“Everything. Your whole life. You’re not even you. I mean, you’re you but you’re not you.”

“I’m sorry, J, but you’re not making any sense.”

“This doesn’t make any sense.”

“Listen. Let’s just get back in the car, okay. Let’s get home and we’ll talk in the morning when we’re both thinking more cl—”

He grabs my arm again and again I yank myself from his grip.

“There’s something you need to know. And I have to tell you right now.”

“Okay, man. I’m listening.”

And now reverberates in my brain, ricochets and rips through whatever gray matter I still have. NOWNOWNOW NOWNOWNOW.

I wag my finger. “Yo, I’m serious, man. You need to listen.”

Q scratches his chin. “I said okay.”

NOW, JAMAL. NOW.