MY GOOD FRIEND QUINCY WILL LITERALLY DIE IN TWO DAYS UNLESS YOU LET HIM ON YOUR SHOW.

Which I think walks the line brilliantly: it’s in good taste, the tone is spot-on, but also it’s just direct enough that its message is unmistakable.

“But J, I’m going to die no matter what,” Quincy had argued when I’d proudly held up my work. “That feels sorta . . . manipulative.”

“I stand by my sign, Q.”

“But it’s essentially a lie.”

“I said what I said.” I reach over to his work space. “Let me see yours.”

He holds it up.

KENDRICK, YOU ARE THE REASON I LOVE COMEDY. SO MANY TIMES YOU MADE ME LAUGH THROUGH MY TEARS. YOU ARE NOT JUST MY COMIC INSPIRATION. YOU ARE UNDENIABLY HILARIOUS OFC, BUT I THINK YOUR GREATEST TALENT IS YOUR ABILITY TO TRULY SEE PEOPLE. YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HUMAN. TO UPLIFT AND UPBUILD EACH OTHER. YOU ARE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN AMAZING WORDS COLLIDE WITH ACTION. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

“I mean, it’s okay,” I say. “But you don’t list your demands. Like, I think it’s lacking that oomph.”

“I think it’s great,” Autumn says. “If someone held up this sign for me, I’d melt where I stood.”

“Except the idea isn’t to melt him. We’re trying to get Q on the show. Besides, how is Kendrick supposed to read all of that from the stage? It’s like Handwriting font size ten.”

Q coughs. Then coughs more.

“You okay, man?” Autumn asks.

“I just feel a little dizzy. And my throat’s itchy. I think maybe a cold’s coming.” Q coughs again, this time semiviolently, then finally clears his throat. “I didn’t want to say anything before, J, because I can tell how much this means to you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“We all know I’m not gonna be on Later Tonight, right?”

“We don’t know that. He’s brought audience members on stage before. There’s dozens of clips on TuberOne.”

Q shakes his head. “Yeah, but what are the odds he does that this show, and even if he does, that he chooses me? But it’s okay. That’s not what this trip is about for me. I just wanted to be there in the same space as my comedic hero. I wanted to see him work, feel his energy, laugh at his jokes in real time.”

“Which will all happen, but . . .”

“But you know what the absolute best part of all this is?” Q asks.

“The prospect of Kendrick melting on live TV?”

“Being here with you guys. Spending my last few hours on this planet surrounded by the people I love, who are sacrificing to help me do this thing that I love. Honestly, I could die right now and be happy.”