Mark, the little tart, is wiggling his ample arse at her as he laps up her attention. I issue myself a stern reminder that the scope of today’s interview is strictly limited to the executive part of the role and that I can’t overtly drool over her, make any innuendos, or shove her to her knees to commence her “audition”. All that is shelved until I decide whether she’s qualified to be my EA and she decides if she’s up for moving forward to the next stage, which really means that this afternoon is my audition, if you think about it.

I have to attract her and impress her and make her trust me and desist from freaking her out, and as I stare at her, that all seems like a pretty tall order.

I clear my throat in preparation for taking my voice as low as it’ll go. ‘Marlowe. Thanks so much for coming.’

She stops cooing over my dog and straightens up with a snap, her eyes going wide as her hair flies about her face. ‘Oh, hi,’ she says, clearly flustered. ‘I’m—it’s good to see you again, Mr Sullivan.’

I shoot her my well-proven smile. ‘It’s Brendan, please.’ Except when you’re sucking my cock. ‘Mark. Sit.’

My stupid dog does no such thing, and instead rubs his head against Marlowe’s thigh, something that should be my move. The little traitor has completely abandoned our 'bros before hoes' pact. We're going to have a serious talk about loyalty later, preferably when I'm not busy imagining what Marlowe looks like under that dress.

She manoeuvres herself gracefully around him so she can approach me. She moves like she's completely unaware of her effect on men, which either makes her the most convincing actress I've ever met or dangerously naïve. I'm going to enjoy finding out which it is.

We extend our hands and shake.

‘It’s good to see you again, Brendan.’

This time, I’m prepared. This time, the shock of her skin against mine doesn’t turn me into a spineless, voiceless wanker. Because this time, I’m a big swinging dick in my big swinging dick office, and she is not my acquaintance’s stupidly hot friend but instead a candidate for the most big-swinging-dick hire I’ve ever made.

‘Thanks for coming in. This is Mark, my one-man welcoming committee.’

She turns to beam at him, and I’m instantly jealous.

‘He’s very sweet.’