There was one day that could make us laugh even years later. A man had ridden up with us on the lift, bragging about his proficiency, his house on the mountain, his brilliant children. Then he’d fallen just sliding off the chair, poles, skis scattered around him; the lift stopped, people rushing to help him. Only his ego was hurt, and we laughed so hard it made us cry. We laughed well into the night.

The thought of this takes my breath away. Makes me gag on the food in my mouth which provokes these precious, painful memories.

The mountain had a hut near the lodge that served grilled cheese and tomato soup. People would stand in line for half an hour, sometimes longer, even in the cold and the snow, and they would eat standing up, helmets on, gloves on sometimes. It was the kind of thing that when we met someone who skied there, it would come out simultaneously—grilled cheese and tomato soup!

We stopped skiing after Annie died. I don’t know why I think of that for the first time only now. We stopped skiing, and I stopped making grilled cheese and tomato soup.

“I told you,” Alice says precociously.

I swallow it down.

“It’s delicious,” I say as though I have never had it. As though I am just a silly little animal behind the bars. As though she is my master.

* * *

Hours pass. I play with Alice. We finish her schoolwork.

And finally it’s time. Alice brings me a bag of food and some plastic bowls and dishes.

Mick has bought a small roasted chicken. He has also bought a bag of frozen peas and carrots. I place the chicken in the largest dish. I sprinkle the carrots and peas around it and add some water.

“You can put this right in the microwave,” I say. “For three minutes. Do you know how it works?”

“Yes!” Alice says. “We got the microwave from the Gas n’ Go. They got a new one so they gave their old one to us. It has instructions on the front. You can microwave hot dogs at the Gas n’ Go.”

Now I pause. Information, I think.

“You’ve been inside the gas station? I thought it was dangerous for you to go outside?”

“I haven’t been inside it. But he told me about the hot dogs when he brought the microwave home. Cause I asked him why you needed a microwave to get gas.”

Slowly, I tell myself. Ease into it.

“Well, that’s very nice that they gave him their microwave.”

I take more things from the bag. The instant Jell-O is there and I let out a sigh of relief.

My words linger inside her. I haven’t asked a question so she is not afraid to give an answer. She likes to tell me things when she feels like it. And tonight she does.