I wonder now why she has brought me the food and not Mick. Usually he does it when he’s home with us.

“Why did you bring the tray?” I decide to ask her.

Alice shrugs. “I don’t know. He asked me to do it.”

This, and he hasn’t looked at me since he slept in the bed with us.

She stands now, watching me.

“Do it!” she says.

I look up at her from my spot on the floor.

“Do what?” I ask. And I ask so nicely.

“Dip the sandwich in the soup!”

“I will,” I say. “You don’t have to watch me. I know he’s waiting for you in the kitchen. He came home just to see you, right?”

It was not easy to remember to ask a question. I feel anger boiling up as I sit behind my bars. An animal trapped. There is no way around it, the feeling this provokes.

“He came home with groceries so you can make dinner later. Just like he promised! And besides, he’s busy cleaning up.”

Alice crosses her arms defiantly.

“Do it!” she commands again. “Take a bite!”

I force out a smile. I take the sandwich and dip a corner in the soup. I put it to my mouth and insert it and close my lips around it and pull off a portion with my teeth.

I gag as I chew and swallow, making facial expressions and sounds of culinary delight.

Mmm.

I used to make this for my kids. We first had it at a ski resort in Vermont where we went in the winter months. John and I both love to ski. Loved to ski, I should say. I can’t remember the last time we went skiing.

It was different after we had children. Our days were spent tethered to little bodies that grew heavy with the pull of gravity, and we would become exhausted after a few runs on easy trails. John liked to hold Nicole’s poles and ski beside her, forcing her to make turns and learn how to control her speed. I would hold the back of a harness tied to Annie’s waist and snowplow behind her. Evan—he always went with the other kids in the group lessons. It was too embarrassing to learn from his parents.

Oh, how Nicole had the taste for speed! She would scream into the cold air, faster, Daddy!

When they were settled in the hotel room, John and I would sneak down to the pub and drink cold beer and listen to country music cover bands. It would remind us of our time together before the kids when we would ski hard all day, get drunk on beer, make love, and fall asleep. Spent and happy.