“It was a fucking accident!” Nic said it one more time, though the words were more for herself now than for this stranger from the bar across the street.

She wiped away the tears, caught her breath.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

Then she was gone.

Chapter Seventeen

Day fourteen

Hannah and Suzannah have very different kinds of mothers. Hannah’s mother is perfect. She’s sweet, kind, obedient. She has long, real blond hair, wears no makeup. She doesn’t need to because she’s so beautiful. And her body is thin. Hannah says she feels strong when she hugs her.

Alice never deviates in our game.

Suzannah’s mother, who is my invention, is strong-willed and defiant. She hates Suzannah’s father and has no problem telling him. It upsets Suzannah because her father has a temper and she is worried about what he might do to her mother.

“Sometimes I think he might hurt her,” Suzannah says.

Hannah grows quiet. Alice grows pensive.

The familiar wave of guilt races through me but I do not succumb.

“She should just be happy being my mommy!” Suzannah says. Then she starts to cry.

Hannah wakes up now. She feeds on the emotional turmoil of her friend, and gives back empathy that is exaggerated but also self-serving.

“You are so beautiful, Suzannah! Any mommy would be lucky to have you as her little girl, and she should not do anything that would take her away from you! If she really, really loved you she wouldn’t do things like that! Things that might get her killed!”

I hold my breath, waiting for more information to seep out through the cracks of this emotional outburst. But all I get are tears.

Suzannah nods her head. “Thank you, Hannah. You are the best friend I could ever have!”

Alice pulls Hannah to her chest and hugs the doll, lost now in our characters and the game we play. Suzannah and I sit quietly until all is calm again.

We have been playing with the dolls all morning. We have not done any schoolwork and Alice grows antsy.

“I’m supposed to have it done before noon,” she says. “Did you know that the morning is the most productive time of the day? It’s when our brains are smartest.”