He was always a little wild—breaking into abandoned buildings, joyrides in stolen cars, sneaking out in the middle of the night to drink with friends down at the beach. He was pretty feral for someone who lived in such a loving home. I never could tell why he was so angry. What makes people go to war with themselves? Is it self-loathing? Resentment? I still haven’t found the answer.

Once he came home in the middle of the night high and giggling. He begged me not to tell, and I was so desperate for his love and approval that I didn’t. I wished now that I had. Maybe he wouldn’t have become an addict.

Maybe I wouldn’t have lost him.

Once Ben had sobered up that time in Seattle, he immediately checked himself out of rehab. He sent me a furious text telling me to stay out of his life. I hadn’t heard from him since.

“What are you doing here, Emma?” Blink. Blink. Twitch. Blink.

As if we didn’t share DNA. Hadn’t lost the same parents. Hadn’t suffered the same pain.

I don’t know what I expected Ben to say. I knew he wouldn’t feel like this was some reunion, but the child who used to creep into her big brother’s room when she woke shivering from a nightmare still felt her heart break in two.

I searched his face, my ready smile sliding away.

“Violeta told me to meet her here,” I said.

Ben tilted his head, a flash of emotion crossing his face. “When did you see her?”

“Last Thursday. I thought you knew…? She said she was going to tell you about our deal.”

Ben pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his back pocket and tapped one out. He folded it between clenched lips and lit it with a silver lighter.

“You made a deal with Violeta?”

A young mother marched up to us then, her baby slung over one hip. She was blond and precisely made-up, her overly processed hair teased into a carefully messy ponytail. She was dressed entirely in brand-name gym clothes, despite the chill in the air.

“Excuse me,” she called, her voice high-pitched, nasally. “Are you using that cart?”

Ben gave her such a fierce glare she immediately backtracked and turned away from us.

“Rude,” I heard her mutter as she walked away.

“Yes, we made a deal. I gave her a bunch of signed prescriptions. She’s supposed to meet me here with the money.”

Ben plucked at his eyebrows, smoke curling up from the cigarette between his fingers, twisting like a snake in the icy air.

Finally he spoke. “Violeta’s dead.”

I gasped, my gaze darting to Gabe. He looked stunned too.

“What happened?”

“The police came to our place last night.” Ben rubbed a hand over his face, looking tired and haggard. “I was out, but Vi’s mother was there, babysitting our son.”