“Nate, it isn’t all on you. Getting this promotion, becoming lieutenant, it’s all great, but it isn’t up to you to save Josh all by yourself.”

“What do we do?” he whispered.

“We make sure we can pay for the CAR T-cell therapy.”

“I’m going to solve this case,” he replied fiercely. “I’ll catch whoever murdered Santiago Martinez and I’ll find out who’s running these drugs. Once I get that promotion, we’ll have the money to pay off the bills. Josh will get better,” Nate said before I could speak, almost like he was trying to convince himself. “We’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine.”

An optimistic cop. Was that an oxymoron?

I sighed and stood, stretching my arms above my head, and just left the words there. Tension fizzled between us.

“I’m going to make myself some warm milk. Maybe that’ll make me sleepy. Want any?”

Nate shook his head, getting to his feet. “No thanks. I think I’ll head up to bed. Wake me if you need help with Josh.”

He kissed me on the lips, a soft, warm pressure. I melted, leaning forward, yearning for more of him even though I was irritated, but just as suddenly as it began, the kiss ended and Nate turned away. A moment later, he disappeared up the stairs.

CHAPTER 28

A HEAVY SNOW WAS falling by the time I left the house, fat flakes swirling in the orange streetlights. The world I walked into now was a completely different one from the one I’d inhabited just hours before. The shrubs were white-tipped, the ghostly evergreens dancing a choreographed ballet in the rising wind. My breath misted in the numbing air, snow kissing my eyelashes. Christmas lights flickered, still lit around my neighborhood, even at this time of night.

My own house, though, was sad and dark. I hadn’t yet been able to prepare for the holidays. We hadn’t bought a tree, no lights were strung outside, no stockings hung above the fireplace. I hadn’t gone shopping or chosen toys for Josh. How could I when he might—

The thought of losing Josh calcified inside of me, hard and razor-sharp, like I’d swallowed glass.

No. I cut the thought off.

Only yesterday Josh had asked if Santa would remember him if he was in the hospital. I couldn’t let him think Santa had forgotten him. I needed to make more of an effort, to keep things as normal as possible for him right now.

I resolved to get the house decorated and buy presents tomorrow.

For Josh’s sake.

The drive to the warehouse should’ve been a quick ten-minute journey, but the snow turned it into a white-knuckle twenty. About halfway there, I noticed a car behind me. The headlights were high, beaming directly into my rear window.