Anger kicked inside me, bitter and raw as an oozing wound.

“I can’t believe you’re implying I don’t think of Josh. He is all I think of!”

Nate shoved a hand through his hair. There were mud-colored circles under his eyes. He’d been working late every night, up early every morning. Trying to spend time with Josh when he could. The exhaustion and strain were starting to show.

“He’s all I think of too!” he said wearily. “That’s why I’m trying to solve this case. We need this promotion, Emma.”

Nate was only a few feet from me, but the distance might as well have been a mile. The space between us prickled, charged with the energy of our anger, suspicions, and fear. I stared at my husband, wanting to reach out and touch him, to pull him closer to me, but I couldn’t. Instead I took another step away from him.

We were not in this together.

Bitterness stung deep in my belly.

“I can’t just abandon her,” I said.

I turned and got in my car. I adjusted the rearview mirror and watched as Nate stared at me helplessly, then got in his police cruiser. He started the engine and drove away, the distance growing until he turned and I could no longer see him.

CHAPTER 19

I DROVE TOWARD JULIA’S, guilt filling my chest with an ache so fierce it threatened to crush the air from my lungs. What I was doing was very dangerous. I was risking everything. Nate’s love and devotion. My son’s respect. My career. My freedom.

Everything felt unstable and scary when Nate and I argued. But selling prescriptions was the only tool I had to get money to pay for Josh’s treatment. I didn’t know what else to do. I’d already called asking for an increase to my credit limit on both my credit cards, but neither had been enough.

I pulled into the long driveway that led to Julia’s house, a small blue Craftsman with white-painted shutters, wood-scalloped rafter tails, and a cute wraparound porch.

My phone buzzed as I parked, and when I looked at the text, I saw it was from Nate. I’m sorry for being a shithead. I love you. Of course you should see Julia. P.S. Happy first kiss anniversary.

Relief gushed, warm and sweet, into my chest. I replied: I’m sorry too. I think we’re both just stressed. I love you back. X

Nate always remembered. Every year. Even amid Josh’s sickness and our squabbles, he had remembered.