“ ’S okay. You gotta catch the bad guys.”

He thought his dad being a cop was cool, like Zootopia or something: catch the bad guys, keep us safe. But who was the bad guy now? Who was really keeping who safe?

Nate squeezed his shoulder. “That’s right.”

He moved to kiss me, but I sidestepped him, dropping to my knees and pulling Josh in for a hug. I saw hurt spark in Nate’s blue eyes, and guilt rushed in. Guilt and a little bit of anger. Anger that he could ever think I was having an affair, and anger that I couldn’t tell him the truth: that we were on very different teams right now.

And anyway, I couldn’t risk Nate feeling the gun strapped to my ankle, or the two phones in my pocket, or the prescriptions I’d swiped from the briefcase when his back was turned. I just wished that the physical distance didn’t instantly result in an emotional one.

I suddenly remembered our first date, how he’d come with me to the hospital when one of my patients had died.

“I’m here for you,” he’d said, squeezing my hand as we strode through the revolving doors together. And I knew right then what a good man he was. Deep and loyal and true.

At the time, I was working up to a hundred hours a week, my head throbbing, my eyes gritty. I downed energy drinks and drank coffee like it was water. I’d get to my car and fall asleep before I could even drive home and crawl in bed. I’d hesitated to go on our first date because of that, but those words—I’m here for you—were a grand gesture more romantic than any of the meals he could’ve made. I knew in that moment he was the one for me.

I wanted to reach out and touch him now. To let him fold me in his arms and tell me everything would be okay. I’d spent so much of my life feeling lonely, wanting to belong. Finally I had it, and I was pushing Nate away. He didn’t deserve this.

“You know, we missed date night,” he said sadly.

I floundered for a reply. Once a month, Moira babysat so we could go be husband and wife, not just mom and dad. He was right, we’d missed it this month. Worse, it hadn’t even occurred to me.

“I’m sorry,” I finally said.

He stared at me. “Yeah, that makes two of us.”

My eyes burned, but I held his gaze. After a second, Nate took a step back. He drew an X over his heart and pointed at me. I love you. Then he turned and left the room.

A few seconds later, I heard the front door slam shut.

Nate was gone.

CHAPTER 33

AS SOON AS NATE LEFT, I texted Ben.