“I know, Mommy. I love you so much back. More than belly buttons.”

“I love you more than noodles.”

“I love you more than poop-heads.” Josh was giggling now.

I burst out laughing. “Wow, that is a lot. I’m a very lucky mommy.”

Nate stood, shaking his head. But he was smiling when he moved toward the door. “You little weirdos.”

I got up too. “Can I have a kiss?” I held my cheek out to Josh, and he kissed it.

“You can have all the kisses,” he said somberly. “Days and nights and up until I’m dead.”

That word—dead—sent a spike of adrenaline shooting through my veins. I froze, wishing I could call Nate back to help me deal with this conversation.

I didn’t want Josh accepting it, acting like it was an inevitability. He had to fight.

“That isn’t going to happen for a very long time,” I said.

Josh’s face pinched with too much sadness for a five-year-old. “I might. We all die. George told me that his hamster died and he didn’t even want him to die.”

I wanted to kick that little jerk in the knees.

I sat on the edge of the bed and put my hand on Josh’s chest.

“I don’t care what George told you. Sometimes we can stop it. That’s why I became a doctor, and sometimes I stop it. And that’s what this cancer treatment is about. You’re going to live a long and happy life. I promise you. Remember what Daddy told you? The good guys always win. And we’re the good guys.”

He smiled faintly.

“Do you believe me?”

He thought about it for a minute and then nodded.

“Good.” I pulled the blankets to his chin. “It’s time for you to get some sleep now.”

“Will you stay with me?”

“Always.”

I lay next to him, and he snuggled into me. After a moment Josh’s breathing evened, the way only a child’s can in sleep.

From downstairs I could hear the gentle murmur of the TV. The heating kicked on, a pleasant hum. I breathed in the scent of Josh and felt my body relax, and before I knew it, I was drifting off too.

CHAPTER 27

GLASS SHATTERING.

My mother’s scream.

The sound of gravel crunching, someone knocking on glass, a voice calling, “Hello? Hello?” A curse, like someone was in pain.

Help, I wanted to shout, but the word was stuck in my throat.

The scent of smoke was thick in my nose. Everything was dark.

My head felt funny. The way it did when I did a handstand in the backyard for too long. Something warm was dripping down my face.

“Emma.” The sound of my name made me jump.

That was when I realized I was upside down.