Prison had clearly agreed with him. On first glance, he was no longer pale and gaunt, with hollow cheeks and glassy eyes. He’d filled out, the sharp angles of his face and body softer. He had a cigarette clenched between his lips, thin tendrils of smoke curling above his head.

He was sober.

Relief punched me in the solar plexus, but then he turned and I saw him full-on. His coffee-colored hair was unkempt, his jaw unshaven, clothes disheveled. His eyes were bloodshot and ringed with dark, as if he hadn’t slept in a few nights. Guilt surged in me, and I had the absurd urge to throw myself out of the car and confess everything.

I closed my eyes, trying to ground myself by thinking about Josh this morning. He’d run into our room before the sun rose and thrown himself into bed between Nate and me, his breath coming fast. He’d dreamed he was being chased down a tunnel and just as he was about to reach the light at the other side, the tunnel had caved in, crushing him.

Nate and I had held him, and after a few minutes he’d said, “If I die, will God let me see myself when I growed up?”

He was only five. He shouldn’t be thinking about death.

The memory steadied me now as I watched my brother. His pale eyes darted, here, there, everywhere, like a twitchy mouse. His fingertips constantly moved, drumming a beat against each other.

“Emma? Emma!” Jessica’s shrill voice dragged me back to the present. “I said, you’re a doctor, right?”

“Yes, I am,” I replied, trying not to sound impatient. Why wouldn’t she just leave?

Her brow smoothed in sudden understanding. “Oh, you must be calling a patient. I love it when my doctor calls me. It’s so personal, you know? Not all doctors go the extra mile like that.…”

I murmured an agreement, still watching Ben. He said something to the guys that made them take a step back. They knew him, or respected him at any rate. Ponytail turned and spoke to Gabe, a sheepish look on his face. We were just messing.

Gabe wiped his hands down his pants, looking seriously rattled. Costco shoppers bustled by, barely paying any attention to what was going on right in front of them. It was amazing the things that could happen in broad daylight.

Jessica was still prattling on about doctors and how she’d just gone to see hers about a urinary tract infection, and did I know the difference between a urinary tract infection and a bladder infection?

I gaped at her. Did she think I wasn’t a real doctor or something?