“So this is where Carlow grew up.” “So this is the bed Carlow slept on.” His bedroom is not a shrine to his former self, of course; he’s a grown man. It’s been remodeled and repainted. There is only an imaginary idea of him becoming someone in the space. He tells me where his stuff used to be.

That’s when his parents arrive home unexpectedly. It’s a big dumb secret that I’m in the house too, as if this thirty-some-year-old man is still scared of his father, still scared of his opinion. I make fun of him for this, and respond a little too loudly to his caresses, out of spite. I say, “What, are you embarrassed of me?”

He says, “No.”

He says, “Yes.”

He says, “You better shut up.”

He says, “You don’t understand anything.”

He puts one big hand up my skirt.

I RECOGNIZED MY BEST OPPORTUNITY WHEN LONNIE AND James spent one night away early that summer to attend a wedding, leaving me alone at the brownstone with William.

Lonnie didn’t exhibit any of the usual signs of stress of a parent leaving her child. She held him on her hip, snuggled her nose to his face, but didn’t frantically go over phone numbers or emergency instructions. She didn’t give me that pleading look. The one that said, “Just. Please. Take care of him.”

Was it because she trusted me or because William was not the centerpiece of her world? I didn’t think of that possibility with judgment. Actually, I thought, it’s better. It’s easier for everyone. What a magnificent liberty for William, to be a cherished amusement, free to have his own experiences, instead of being her whole personality.

“Is Carlow going with you?” I asked.

“No,” Lonnie said. “Why?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Just wondering if he knew the couple.”

“Actually, that’s what I wanted to tell you. If you have any questions you can contact him. He knows the house pretty well. And William of course. You know, for anything small. I’ll let him know he’s on call.”

“Okay,” I said. All I had to do was come up with a question that would get him over here after William was in bed. “Stay and have a drink, now that I dragged you out. Lonnie said I should drink their wine before it goes bad, but I hate drinking alone.”

This wasn’t true—of course I had never minded drinking alone, but it would probably work.