DOWNSTAIRS, AS THE CATERERS STARTED TO PREPARE FOOD in the kitchen and the waiters arranged tables outside, Lonnie floated candles inside paper boats on the pool. William watched her through the glass doors, eyes wide. I picked him up and put him on my lap at the kitchen table for his bottle. He was distracted by the activity around him and drank slowly, his head following the waiters in their white shirts and black bow ties. I kept shoving the nipple back into his mouth, willing him to drink, to be tired, to get it over with. Upstairs I rushed through a lullaby and put him in his crib, expecting to leave him there crying. He whimpered a little, but lay down and put his fingers in his mouth. I was caught off-guard with his goodness, and I paused at the bedroom door, watching him watch me leave from between the crib slats.

I smiled at him, though I was backlit in the doorway and he probably didn’t see it.

At twilight the guests began to arrive in candy-colored sports cars. Though a party was the only thing a house of that size was good for, they didn’t even bother to come through the front door, they followed a path of candles to the backyard, where a full bar and several tables of food were ready and waiting.

I wandered over to the bar and waited in a crush of people to order a drink. Behind me I heard Robert say in a low voice to James, “Did she have to invite everyone she’s ever met? What the hell is wrong with her?”

The yard was already crowded, with still more couples spilling in along the candlelit path every minute. Behind me all I heard were people chiming, “Where’s Lonnie?” to one another.

“Here she is!” a familiar voice rang out, and I felt myself encircled by a thin papery arm. I turned to see Gigi, martini in hand, her face nightmarishly close to my own.

Robert whirled around at the exclamation, his mouth agape in confusion. I didn’t wait to see what would come out of it.

“Excuse me,” I said immediately, knowing I had to find Lonnie, had to ask her why, oh why, she’d thought it would be okay to invite the woman who didn’t even know which of us was her.

35

IT TOOK A LONG TIME TO WANDER THROUGH ALL THOSE ROOMS. The house was completely empty. It was too early for the guests to dribble over from the yard, seeking private spaces. Eventually I found a locked bathroom door, upstairs, one of the unused guest baths. I knocked. “Lonnie?”

She didn’t exactly answer, but I did hear a woman’s faint moan from somewhere inside, and then a choked sob. “Lonnie?” I said. “It’s just Elle, are you in there?”